7 Conspiracy Theories That Will Make You Laugh Like A Lizard Alien Being Eaten By Crabs

7 Conspiracy Theories That Will Make You Laugh Like A Lizard Alien Being Eaten By Crabs

Theories that will make you wonder who has that much free time...

Either the truth is too raw or believing the improbable is much more fun, but whatever the case, there are always people who refuse to acknowledge what is true and decide to come up with some alternate theory. Here are some conspiracy theories that are a little too extreme to be believable.

1. The Lizard Aliens

Yes, you heard me right. Apparently, 12 million people in the US believe that shape-shifting reptilian aliens are using their magical powers to convert humans into mindless slaves just to take over the world. It's kinda like the Illuminati, but . . . weirder.

2. Pastafarianism

So Earth was created by the one and only Flying Spaghetti Monster (or FSM). There is now a legitimate religion devoted to worshipping the FSM, and their holy text is called "Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster." Also pirates fight global warming and therefore, becoming a pirate is priority number one.

3. Obama is a Muslim...?

Some shady people created a fake birth certificate for Obama to hide the fact that he was not born in Hawaii, he's secretly Muslim and that he wants to ruin America and its economy. And the biggest supporter of this theory is Trump (what a shocker).

4. Amelia Earhart was eaten by crabs.

She unfortunately crash-landed into Nikamuroro Island when her plane ran out of fuel, ran into crabs that were possibly three foot long and became their dinner. Oh, how the tables have turned.

5. We never set foot on the moon.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to a fake moon stage setting in Area 51 and pretended to step on the moon just so America could win the space race against Russia. The fact that pictures from "the moon" are only given through NASA means there is no proper verification of an actual outer space expedition. Is NASA a liar, liar, pants on fire?

6. JFK was assassinated by his VP.

Vice President Lyndn Johnson ordered his CIA buddies to "take care of" JFK so that he had a direct claim to the throne. Ouch, backstabbed by his running mate.

7. A UFO crashed at Roswell, New Mexico.

The US Army claims that it was a weather balloon even though witnesses declare that they saw a metallic body flying through the air before an object crash landed. There have also been reports of a secret government program that went on around the time that sent software into the air to detect Soviet bombs. Isn't America great?

8. Fluoride in your drinking water.

America fluoridates their water for sanitary reasons, but is actually a mind control scheme in disguise. Just when you thought the government couldn't get any scarier.

9. The Titanic sank on purpose?

The Titanic's sister ship, Olympic, actually collided with an iceburg and was damaged, but then the Titanic was switched out with Olympic and was sunk on purpose just so its owners could collect a large bounty as insurance money. My heart may go on, but my brain is having trouble processing this.

10. Willy Wonka, professional serial killer...

So Willy Wonka kills off every kid during his tour of the chocolate factory except Charlie; literally every child is picked off one by one through his crazy contraptions. Guess his last name wasn't just meant for laughs.

11. Last Thursday

Maybe your memories and thoughts were created last Thursday. Maybe what you thought happened seven years ago was just a hallucination. Who knows? It cannot be proved.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash / Bruce Dixon

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11 Things Psychology Majors Hear That Drive Them Crazy

No pun intended.

We've all been there. You're talking to a new acquaintance, or a friend of your parents, or whoever. And then, you get the dreaded question.

"So what are you studying in school?"

Cue the instant regret of picking Psychology as your major, solely for the fact that you are 99.9% likely to receive one of the slightly comical, slightly cliche, slightly annoying phrases listed below. Don't worry though, I've included some responses for you to use next time this comes up in conversation. Because it will.

Quick side note, these are all real-life remarks that I've gotten when I told people I was a psych major.

Here we go.

1. So are you, like, analyzing me right now?

Well, I wasn't. But yeah. Now I am.

2. Ugh so jealous! You picked the easy major.

"Lol" is all I have to say to this one. I'm gonna go write my 15-page paper on cognitive impairment. You have fun with your five college algebra problems, though!

3. So can you tell me what you think is wrong with me? *Shares entire life story*

Don't get me wrong; I love listening and helping people get through hard times. But we can save the story about how one time that one friend said that one slightly rude comment to you for later.

4. Well, s**t, I have to be careful what I say around you.

Relax, pal. I couldn't diagnose and/or institutionalize you even if I wanted to.

5. OMG! I have the perfect first client for you! *Proceeds to vent about ex-boyfriend or girlfriend*

Possible good response: simply nod your head the entire time, while actually secretly thinking about the Ben and Jerry's carton you're going to go home and demolish after this conversation ends.

6. So you must kind of be like, secretly insane or something to be into Psychology.

Option one: try and hide that you're offended. Option two: just go with it, throw a full-blown tantrum, and scare off this individual, thereby ending this painful conversation.

7. Oh. So you want to be a shrink?

First off, please. Stop. Calling. Therapists. Shrinks. Second, that's not a psych major's one and only job option.

8. You know you have to go to grad school if you ever want a job in Psychology.

Not completely true, for the record. But I am fully aware that I may have to spend up to seven more years of my life in school. Thanks for the friendly reminder.

9. So you... want to work with like... psychopaths?

Let's get serious and completely not-sarcastic for a second. First off, I take personal offense to this one. Having a mental illness does not classify you as a psycho, or not normal, or not deserving of being treated just like anyone else on the planet. Please stop using a handful of umbrella terms to label millions of wonderful individuals. It's not cool and not appreciated.

10. So can you, like, read my mind?

It actually might be fun to say yes to this one. Try it out and see what happens. Get back to me.

11. You must be a really emotional person to want to work in Psychology.

Psychology is more than about feeling happy, or sad, or angry. Psychology is about understanding the most complex thing to ever happen to us: our brain. How it works the way it does, why it works the way it does, and how we can better understand and communicate with this incredibly mysterious, incredibly vast organ in our tiny little skull. That's what psychology is.

So keep your head up, psychology majors, and don't let anyone discourage you about choosing, what is in my opinion, the coolest career field out there. The world needs more people like us.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Short Stories On Odyssey: Roses

What's worth more than red roses?


Five years old and a bouquet of roses rested in her hands. The audience-- clapped away her performance, giving her a standing ovation. She's smiling then because everything made sense, her happiness as bright as the roses she held in her hands.

Fifteen now, and a pile of papers rested on her desk. The teachers all smiled when she walked down the aisle and gave them her presentation. She was content then but oh so stressed, but her parents happy she had an A as a grade, not red on her chest.

Eighteen now and a trail of tears followed her to the door. Partying, and doing some wild things, she just didn't know who she was. She's crying now, doesn't know anymore, slamming her fists into walls, pricking her fingers on roses' thorns.

Twenty-one and a bundle of bills were grasped in her hands. All the men-- clapped and roared as she sold her soul, to the pole, for a dance. She's frowning now because everything went wrong, but she has to stay strong, for rich green money, is worth more than red roses.

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