1. Run to the bus. Time is of the essence, and sprinting to the bus as soon as it arrives sends a clear message that you respect that the captain of the USS Trolley is on a tight schedule, and you’re aiming for the coveted spot as first mate.
*To score cool points while doing this, duck your head and grasp both back pack handles firmly while running to the bus. It will inform those around you that you are fully focused on the task at hand, and you will prove your value as a human being.*
2. Bring warm ethnic food onto the bus during maximum bus-riding occupancy times. Nothing promotes a friendship-building environment like a piping hot to-go box of shwarma and a smile. Offer some to your bus driver. If he/she declines, produce an eating utensil and offer to feed it to him/her. Your bus driver will appreciate your caring about his/her dietary needs, and you will feel closer to your driver with every shared bite.
*Disregard any judgmental or disapproving looks made by fellow bus riders. They are most likely envious of your budding friendship and may also be hungry.*
3. Start a group interactive sing-along while on the bus. Chances are your bus driver went to summer camp at some point in his/her life, and will be happy to join in a nostalgic musical addition to his/her already rewarding day job.
*"The Wheels on The Bus" is a classic, and will solicit maximum singing participation from your peers.*
4. Initiate an intricate and complex hand shaking system that only the two of you know. Engage your bus driver in this system each time you get on the bus as part of your affable greeting ritual.
*It’s normal for your bus driver to initially meet this action with "irritation" or "extreme anger," but don’t let this deter you. Bus drivers appreciate nothing more than to give their hands a little break from operating a two-ton motor vehicle in college campus traffic to shake hands with an enthusiastic passenger.*
5. Become Facebook friends with your driver. In order to keep up with each other’s busy social schedules and interests outside of the bus system, it is pertinent that you become friends in the virtual world as well as the public transportation one.
*Engage in weekly "poking" via Facebook with your bus driver. It will let your bus driver know that you are an involved and reliable companion, even when not physically in each other’s presence.*
6. Introduce your bus driver to your parents. You’re in. Now buckle your seatbelt for the friendship of a lifetime because you’ve just completed all six scientifically proven steps guaranteed to get you and your bus driver best buddy results.
*These are not actual scientific results.*
