Summerfest, held in Milwaukee, Wi every summer, is known to be the world’s largest music festival. However, if you spend enough time there you’ll realize that it is also the world’s largest people-watching arena. After spending enough time there after 8 pm, you’ll also realize it can be the world’s largest shit show. Below are the six types of people you are guaranteed to see at this festival/people-watching arena/shit show.
1. The Basic Bitch
Distressed denim shorts, crop top, white converse and flash-lensed aviators are the staples of this gal’s Summerfest wardrobe. If you ask her what she’s seeing, her answer will be whatever her friends are going to. Although she acts and talks way more drunk than she actually is, this early teen will know at least two songs to whatever artist (probably a DJ) she's seeing and she’s down to have fun.
2. The Creep Standing Alone Within the Most Crowded Part of the Grounds
I never understand how this guys gets in, but I guess when there’s a will there’s a way. One would typically associate the word “idiot” with this cardboard and Sharpie dreamer; however, I have to give him some credit. He came to the right place. I can bet you there were plenty of drunk enough people willing to give him a hug (for free!). You'll also find yourself passing him like five times during the day/night. He just never seems to go away (or give up).
3. The Basic "Bro"
He walks in a pack with other wearers of bro tanks, pastel colored shorts and Ray-Ban sunglasses. His confidence streams directly from his overly-toned arms, and you constantly see him checking to make sure he's flexing as he hold that plastic cup of beer in his hand. Although he knows how to dress for the fest, he really has no genuine knowledge or interest music. You’ll find him at Timeflies because “bitches love Timeflies.”
4. The Chill 40-Year-Old Couple
These beer-lovers are definitely on the older spectrum of your typical festin’ crowd, but everyone knows they're there to have a night-off from parenting with zero judgements of others so they can still get away with going to Walk the Moon. Outfits are never their strong suit, but everyone can tell that they just want to drink their beer and have a good time, similar to most young adults attending this music festival. Normally, teens would consider the presence of actual adults an annoyance, but no one’s going to turn down a possible shot at free beer. Not to mention that this couple gives zero shits and totally won’t be afraid to shout “back the f*ck up” at the naive 16-year-old boy pushing through the crowd to get to his “friend” who is supposedly in the front row.
Although the 70 and up crowd is incredibly cute, you have to wonder why they decided to go anywhere near the Miller Lite Oasis past 9 pm. But hey, it’s Summerfest! If there’s anytime to stop working on the 500-piece cat puzzle and stay a couple hours up past their bedtime, it’s now. All one can do is just hope no one spills beer on this precious, fragile couple whose love for slow dancing and music prevails through even the biggest of shit shows.
6. The Perfectly Trendy Festival Regular
She’s either rich enough to afford all things Urban or her thrifting game is on fleek, because her outfits are ridiculously mismatching but put together. She knows every word to every hidden-gem band at the festival that you wish you already knew about, and you just want to hate her and her flat-as-a-board abs. But you don’t, because she’s so freaking cool and you kind of want to befriend her and find out where she gets all of her clothes. This trendy festival reg will make you spend the entire concert wondering if you could pull off any of the outfits she owns and how she gets her hair to obtain that perfect straight-wavy balance.
