By this point it's more than just a conspiracy theory that all teachers gather at the beginning of the semester for a school wide meeting where they plan all of their exams, essays and projects on the same day just to torture us.
Believe me, teachers are ruthless and they cause more emotional damage than a first heartbreak. Seriously, professors have absolutely no chill and even a bucket of your tears couldn't make them empathetic. I'm just a student paying thousands of dollars just to be tortured by countless hours of work - it's already bad enough. There's no need for their merciless savagery. They can't be stopped though, and I'm sure you've suffered some no chill teacher moves too.
1. When they assign an essay on a long weekend or holiday
I know they're gonna be sitting on their couch this weekend blissfully relaxing with no papers to correct, while we're all working our asses off on a paper they assigned for us to do on the "break". I guess it's not much of a break now. Don't worry though, while they're snuggled up with their wife and kids watching Christmas movies, I'm not even tripped about the fact that I'm neglecting my family that I haven't seen in months. No worries bro.
2. When they say the final exam will not be multiple choice
This isn't even the worst of it. They let us know at the last minute, don't post any of the lectures online, and don't offer a review or even a study guide. It's cool though. I guess I'll just make flash cards for everything that's happened from 2000 B.C.E until now and hope that whatever's on your test falls somewhere in there since I have no idea what to study.
3. When they assign an essay right after a midterm
Nice! I've spent the past week studying for a stupid test about stuff I probably won't even remember in a month. But nope, that's not enough, now I have to write 10 pages, MLA, about the same stupid topic, right when I thought I had a break.
4. When they ask the class how everyone's feeling after assigning hours of homework due the night before
The pettiest question that can be asked. They damn well know I was up until 3 A.M. finishing the endless readings they assigned. It's even worse when they ask "did anyone watch the football game?" Of course I didn't, I was doing the freakin' homework! But I'm sure they did and they probably even had wings or pizza too while I ate a 10 month old cup of noodles.
5. When they say everyone did poorly on the exam but it won't be curved
I will never understand how everyone in the class can bomb a test and the professor still won't take the blame. There's 100-something kids in this class and we're all failing. It's not me, it's you.
6. When they take it slow in the beginning but then cram an entire semester's worth of work in the last week
Well I had an A all semester but none of that matters because 90% of my grade is all gonna be crammed into essays, tests, projects and a final exam, and it's all due the last week of school. I never know where I stand. Basically, I could either make the Dean's list or fail out of college, and it all bottles down to the last couple days of the semester.
