Parents teach us a lot. For a while, they teach us literally everything we need to know, and in some ways that never really stops. As we get older, the lessons become less about school and fashion, and more about life and friendships and relationships. I’m lucky enough to have a mom that I can sit and talk to for hours, who will give me advice on nearly any and every problem. She’s always there for every meltdown (bless her) and she always has the advice that I need to hear, even if it’s not always what I want to hear.

1. Never Be Dependent On Someone Else: (Okay I still depend on my mom for tons because she’s my #1, but this is different). I grow more and more into the person I’m supposed to be with each passing day. That person is someone who is independent, confident, and can handle for the most part, all that my life has going on. I'm turning into someone strong enough to be able to stand on my own two feet, someone who doesn't need to have my hand held through every single thing. Growing up, I was never taught that my future was going to be dependent on a man. I was encouraged to work hard in everything I do -- my passions, my education, and any job that I happen to land. From the start, I was taught that I didn’t need someone else to have a successful and happy life. At the end of the day, you always have to be your own number one supporter financially, and emotionally. My mom always taught me that there is no shame in asking for help, but living a life completely dependent on someone else isn’t what I was made for. She’s right too, by the way.
2. Make Yourself Happy: This ties in with the previous point. But you have to be happy with yourself. Maybe not every little thing about yourself (because progress is the name of the game), but you have to have the capability of being happy with yourself overall. Don’t make someone else your happiness, and don’t let one person dictate whether or not you are in a good mood or a bad mood. Other people come and go, always, but you’re with yourself forever so you better find some things to do with yourself to facilitate your happiness. Find something you enjoy, that you can enjoy on your own. Since starting college I’ve become more and more comfortable with doing things on my own -- I’ll take myself out to dinner or coffee or shopping and not think twice about it. I like to think that that confidence was instilled in me by my mother. She taught me to let other people add to my happiness but not to let my long-term happiness depend on other people.
3. Worst Case Scenario? Still Manageable: This is one that she has been telling me a lot lately. It’s a lesson that I need to be reminded of pretty often these days in the midst of chaos with classes and jobs and student loans and trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. In the midst of middle-of-the-night meltdowns about having to live in her basement forever because my student loans will cripple me; and I will never find a career I’m passionate about, she’ll sit me down and say, “What’s the worst case scenario? You get a full-time minimum-wage job that you don’t like, flipping burgers or serving coffee, and nearly all of your paycheck goes towards your student loans. But McDonald’s is also going to be paying fifteen dollars an hour so that’s not even as bad as it used to be. Even the worst case scenario is still manageable.” I remind myself of that on a near-daily basis. Even the worst case scenario is still somehow manageable. It might not be fun and it might not be what you want, but it would still be manageable. And really, how often does the absolute worst case scenario happen? Exactly. “Manageable. It’s all manageable.”- Momma Sweet.
4. You’re Not Supposed To Have Your Life Together At 20: The world has a lot of questions for college students, and people in their twenties in general, but it doesn’t provide us with very many answers. Everyone asks you about degrees, internships, jobs, apartments, research opportunities, studying abroad, getting married, having kids, and every other important life-changing aspect of existence. More often than not you have no idea what to tell them, because you either haven’t thought about it, or you thought about it and still didn’t reach any real conclusion. My mom asked me, “Why is it that you and your sisters have this idea that you’re supposed to have it all figured out at 20 or 23? Nothing about my life at 20 is the same as my life now.” I can tell her, and anyone else who asks, that we’re always made to feel that we need to have it all figured out. But it is nice, and necessary, to be reminded that no matter how much we think we have figured out right now, about fifteen to twenty years down the road our lives are going to look completely different anyway. We don’t need to have our lives together by our junior year in college. We don’t even have “real lives” our junior year of college, so we have no reason to have any of it figured out. We have our whole lives for that.
5. No Job Pays Enough To Always Be Miserable: I’m lucky that I love the job that I have now. I enjoy it and it fits my schedule as a full-time student perfectly. But one of these days I’m going to have to pick up a full-time job as well. And maybe I’ll get lucky again and absolutely love the first job that I get. But that’s usually not the way that it works. It’s not always about being absolutely enamored with your job, because no matter how great your job is there are going to be stressful times and times that you never want to see your office/boss/coworkers ever again, but those times usually pass. If they don’t? Well, time to start looking for a new job! It’s not easy and it might not always be a quick process but taking the time to invest in a job and career that will make you happy more than it makes you angry is worth it. My mom always reminds my sisters and I that, especially since we’re young and just really getting into the workforce and job market, if we don’t like our job there are more out there that we can get. It might mean sticking out at the job that you don’t like for a while longer until you get something better lined up, but there will always be something better that you can look for and aim towards.
6. Is Anyone Dying? No? Then It’s Fine: We all tend to blow our mistakes out of proportion. Every time we have to say no to someone who asks us for help, or who invites us to something, suddenly we see the whole world’s social structure shattering around us, because of us. I know that I do this constantly every time I don’t live up to an expectation or fall short of a responsibility. But the thing is, the universe is still going to go on existing even if you forgot that one homework assignment for that one class, or if you forgot to file that last thing at work or send out that one email. Sure, it might be a little inconvenient for a short stretch of time, but life will go on. Think about the thing that’s stressing you out, and ask yourself, “Is anyone dying? Is anyone going to die because I forgot to do the thing? No? Then it’s okay.” Each time I vent (and usually cry) to my mom, this is always part of the response. So, as you can imagine, I hear this an awful lot. But it’s good to have a constant reminder because we so easily get swept up in our mistakes that are rather small in the grand scheme of things.

My mom has had to deal with a lot -- three daughters, to be exact. But through it all she’s always been there with advice and support, constantly teaching us the things we need to know. I’m lucky to have someone like her in my life, and it’s why I don’t hesitate to say that my mom is also my best friend. No matter what I’m dealing with or going through, she always has advice and life lessons and I consider myself very lucky for that.