Call me old-fashioned, but dating is pointless unless you're looking for a long-term commitment. I completely disagree with people who say you need to date around to figure out what you want or need.
That's ridiculous.
Dating multiple people with the mindset of "figuring out your type" is not only selfish, but it's reckless. Put it this way— dating the wrong person only creates discomfort down the road.
When you finally end up with who you're meant to be with. Yes, I believe humans are like penguins and should mate for life— but it is incredibly uncomfortable knowing someone else shared special things with your significant other. Sure, some might say dating the wrong person lead them to the right person, but who's to say you wouldn't have met otherwise? The world will never know.
So, instead of wasting your (and someone else's) valuable time, spirit, love, and attention— focus on these five things because once you find your penguin, there's no going back:
1. Figure out who you are, that's key.
I know this sounds cliche and cryptic, but hear me out. Desires and goals change over the years but, at a certain point, you realize there's something that you want to work towards— a purpose.
Can't seem to figure it out? Read a book. Take a solo trip. Meditate. What drives you? What motivates you? What are you most happy spending your time on?
Some of us learn this early in life, and some don't figure it out until they're older. Regardless, it's important to know what your goal in life is because you want to be with someone who will complement it, not oppose it.
What if five years into your marriage you finally realize you want to live in Italy and be an artist? At that point, it's not fair to either of you. If you don't go, you'll never feel fulfilled. If you do go, you run the risk of uprooting someone else's entire life. Save yourself and future partner some time and just wait. Wait until you know, or AT LEAST have an idea.
You can't possibly expect someone to accept and love you for who you are if you don't even know who you are. Patience is key.
2. Grow up.
Adolescence is filled with learning experiences that shape us into the people we become as adults. Let me be clear though, I'm not setting an age requirement. Everyone matures at different rates, and while some people may be ready to get married at 23, others may not be ready until they're 30.
And that's okay. The point is, you reach a point in life when you realize that living for yourself isn't enough. Wait until you get to that point before putting a ring on it.
3. Manage yourself, always.
Adulting is hardcore. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep up with friends, juggle a full-time job, exercise, remember to call grandma, drink enough water, set up doctor appointments, go to said appointments, buy groceries, pay your cell phone bill and fill your gas tank?
In case you couldn't tell, it's a lot. If you don't have yourself together or are at least somewhat manageable, it's going to be an issue.
There are two types of people. Those who are organized and those who are not. You'll either cause your partner so much grief with your unorganized, sloppy self or you'll go insane trying to organize your partner's life and end up feeling like a parent instead of husband or wife. Neither is fun, so help humanity out and discipline yourself.
4. Be real with yourself when it comes down to expectations.
#1 is really important here because you can't set expectations without knowing who you are and what is best for you. If you know you tend to set goals and veer off in a couple of weeks, aim to be with someone who will help and encourage you.
If your faith in God is important to you, don't only expect to marry someone who shares that same faith. How does that even make sense? If that were the case, then lost souls would remain lost. Now, if you marry someone with faith as strong as your own but rooted in different beliefs, then you've got a problem. Instead, expect to inspire. Your character should reflect your faith, and you better believe it's contagious.
A lot of people say it's bad to have expectations because you'll end up disappointed. And they're right. Why? Because everyone will fail you. At least once in your lifetime, anyone who is important to you will let you down. That's human nature and its life.
The most realistic expectation you need to have is this: to be loved unconditionally. If you yourself can't do this, don't expect someone else to.
5. Love unconditionally.
If you find yourself constantly worrying about what you'll get in return or setting relationship "deal-breakers," I'm sorry, but you're definitely not suited to be in a relationship.
Merriam Webster defines unconditional as not conditional or limited— That means no ifs or buts.
The most important thing you need to do before dating is to realize that every human is flawed. Being with your soulmate isn't about all their perfect qualities (although those don't hurt), it's about acknowledging their imperfections, and loving them through every argument and disagreement. It's knowing they're going to hurt your feelings some days, and loving them anyway.
Sharing your life with someone means sharing experiences, whether they're good or bad. It means sharing yourself completely, flaws and all. Do yourself a favor and don't start dating until you're ready to share your WHOLE life with someone.
