I was born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to two parents who had never stepped foot in the United States.
My dad knew English because he had studied at a school in England, but my mother’s primary languages were Italian and Tigrinya (the native language of Eritrea). Neither parent ever expected to need to learn about the cultural norms of America, as it was an unfamiliar and out-of-mind country that they weren’t concerned about.
When the war between Ethiopia and Eritrea broke out and it became too unsafe to remain in the home they had lived in for so long, my father decided it was time for this new venture: immigrating to the United States.
He went before us, but by the age of 2, I was in Baltimore, Maryland, and at age 5, I was in Louisville, Kentucky, the city I would call home until it was time for me to go to college.
Like many immigrant families, my parents left our home country in a time of political strife, equipped with the customs, foods, and accents they had grown up with.
Needless to say, this set my family up for some challenges that accompanied the culture shock that is America. Without further ado, here's what I've learned:
1. Accents
Easily the first thing to come to mind when I think of foreign parents. When I invited my friends over, they would make conversation with the friend of mine as any parent would, and the friend would constantly look back at me with confusion in their eyes pleading for help understanding what my parents were saying.
I also learned the wrong words and pronounced a lot of words incorrectly because of how I learned them in the house. The bookstore was “the library.” “Vegetable” was pronounced “veggie-table.” The word “comfortable” never really rolled off the tongue (come-for-tabell). This got better as time passed.
Immersion, they call it.
2. Names
Where I come from, you take the first name of your father as your own last name. My father’s name is Tesfayesus Redaezgy, and understandably, I was often called “Amy Redaezgy,” which was just not correct.
And let me bring up my real first name, Hermon, which takes a good amount time to get people to learn how to pronounce.
Should I mention that my brother, who was born in Louisville, is named SAMUEL? As a child, I remember thinking I’d grow up and get it legally changed to my nickname, Amy, but several years later and I love it. At the very least, it’s a fantastic icebreaker.
3. Hanging out with friends
I think I could write a handbook with tips on how to get your foreign parents to allow you to go anywhere.
Until my senior year of high school, everything was planned out. You catch them when they’re in a good mood, maybe prime the situation with a compliment you’d received from a teacher or a good grade on an exam.
You definitely needed to figure out every detail beforehand or else the plan would look messy and therefore, unsafe and undoable.
Make sure you have all the parent’s phone numbers on deck and if there is a sleepover involved, make sure you are ready to discuss it for at least half an hour (AT LEAST).
I remember once, in 8th grade, I had gone to the movies with some of my friends. Afterwards, we walked across the street to the Steak and Shake nearby, which was a spontaneous addition to the plans.
When I told my mom that’s where I was to be picked up, she thought I’d gone rogue.
4. Phone calls
Does anyone remember the calling cards that parents would use to talk to their family members overseas?
You could bank on several hours long conversation and at talking to at least one relative you have never met before and also trying to tip-toe around the language barrier as a kid who spoke only English.
Things are much easier now, with better communication apps like Viber and What’s App.
5. Hard work
On a more serious note, I think there is an unparalleled value in hard work that you are taught as the child of a foreign parent.
Whether it’s your parents or grandparents or great-grandparents that immigrated here, they know very well that it was no easy feat getting over to the States and you better believe they will not let you waste that hard work.
They are strict with grades, practically unwilling to accept a B on a grade-school report card, but because they know you can do better and should be pushing yourself and taking advantage of the fact that you are even in a country where there is public education, the gift of knowledge that they know is invaluable.
They are strict with the rules because they know how important it is that you not jeopardize the opportunity that you have here by getting in trouble for doing stupid things.
They are strict with the value of family, because while they were able to grow up surrounded by people who are just like us, they know that is one area in which they will never be able to fully immerse you, which is the one drawback of living in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
There are multiple family members I will never meet. My dad has numerous siblings he hasn’t seen in over 20 years. So yes, you will sit and take the time out of your day to have long, broken conversation with the uncles and aunts you have that never got the privilege of really knowing their niece and nephew, because that’s as good as they can do.
You win some and you lose some.
6. Sacrifice
This one definitely came later on in my life when I was done being naïve and started understanding how harsh the world can really be.
As a child I would throw fits when I didn’t like the food on the table, not remembering that having this much food and so many options available to me was such a crazy privilege that my parents would have moved mountains to have growing up.
When parents say “Some people don’t even have food,” it took me years to understand that it was different when my parents said it because it was a reality they knew all too well.
My dad would tell me stories of he and his family members spending months at a time in jail for no reason- because of the political unrest in the country at the time.
My parents lived in two-room houses with families of 7+ and still never look back and reconsider what their childhood could have been as they watch my brother and I grow up in the land of plenty.
I never knew either of my grandparents and only knew one of my late grandmothers because they passed when my parents were kids because the life expectancy is just so much worse.
People often say that the “other people have it worse” argument is bad logic for trying to suppress your own negative feelings, but I disagree.
Being raised by foreign parents who were able to give me the world when coming from so, so little is all I need to get myself out of a slump.
Here’s to you, mom and dad. Thanks for giving me the world.
