The fate of our country is decided in less than two weeks and if you watched the third and final debate last Wednesday, you may have wanted to jump off a bridge.
And that's okay because you probably weren't alone. Next time you hear Trump say something ignorant or Hillary is giving off some snakey vibes, I've provided you with a few places you can perfectly end everything.** So here are six bridges I thought would be fitting for the occasion and the moments from the third presidential debate that inspired them all.
1. Tower Bridge, London, UK
"Wait N Sea"
This one is inspired by when Donald Trump said he would "wait and see" if he'd accept the election results, backing up his claims that the system (when they don't go his way) is 'rigged'. This famous bridge would be quite fitting because if our whole voting democracy is rigged then why not go to a different country to forget about how 'un-great' our own one is?
2. Golden Gate Bridge, San Fransisco, CA
"YOU'RE THE PUPPET"
If you look at the transcript from Wednesday's debate when Hillary Clinton called Trump a puppet, he continually interrupts her by saying "no, you're the puppet". Not only was this back and forth
3. Chesapeake Bay Bridge, Annapolis, MD
"rip out the BAYby"
While arguing over abortion, Trump repeatedly referred to abortion as being able to "take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month, on the final day". First of all, I'm no OBGYN, but if it's on the final day isn't that called...childbirth? Second of all, how do you even rip a baby out of a woman? Your possible future president might suggest grabbing her by the p*ssy for that one. This bridge choice is self-explanatory in the title.
4. George Washington Bridge, Fort Lee, NJ
"Emails, Traffic Jams, and Scandal"
If you didn't know, this bridge was the one that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was accused of causing extreme traffic jams as a result of 'political score-setting', which Christie denied. However, internal emails released later proved him guilty. Leaked emails?¿ Sounds familiar. Which is why this bridge would be so appropriate for when Hillary unpersuasively bullshitted on WikiLeaks. Clinton blatantly tried to distract from the question of loose border controls by going into how WikiLeaks obtained the leaked emails which came off as a sneaky maneuver. The email is mightier than the sword.
5. Bridge of the Americas, Balboa, Panama
"Bad Bridge Hombres"
Now myself and anyone possessing the elementary basic knowledge of Spanish most likely shuddered when Donald Trump said the phrase "bad hombres" when the topic of immigration was discussed. Not only did he attempt to use a group of people's own native language to insult and demean them, but he horribly mispronounced it in the process. Also, undocumented immigrants and the immigration issue as a whole has never been synonymous with Latinos. At this point in the debate I didn't want to build a wall, I wanted to run into one. But jumping off a bridge will do...so which will it be? With some googling, I found "Bridge of the Americas". The irony is sublime.
6. that bridge from Inception
"Did he really just say 'Nasty Woman'??"
No, you are not in a dream like that movie Inception. Yes, our candidates are what a third of the country refers to as "Crooked Hillary" and an orange reality tv clown. Unfortunately, this is the real deal and this is our presidential election. And just when you thought things couldn't get any more bizarre in this last debate, Trump ends the night by calling Clinton “such a nasty woman”. This jab was a completely inappropriate response to Clinton's pretty normal policy answer about Social Security. Which is why when he uttered it, I thought I misheard him or had dozed off and entered some kind of alternative dream world with Leonardo DiCaprio. Honestly, that would have been more ideal.
Overall, this past election year has been a really unfortunate string of chaos and I'm happy it's coming to close. But until November 9th, I'll be thinking about my bridges.
**Disclaimer: Please don't actually jump off a bridge, you fool. As long as Trump isn't elected, it won't be that bad.
