Dear Boy Who Broke Me,
You would think that I would have gotten over this by now, but it still brings pain.
You know how they say that guys fall in love faster than girls? Well, I think they move on faster as well.
I have tried to get over you, but I don't think you really understand how hard that is.
I have gone out on dates and at some point, I just break down inside.
I think of all these reasons why that happens, I try to think of all these reasons why. But then I realize it is you.
You never gave me a reason why. All you said was "I need sometime for myself."
But how am I supposed to know that is the truth. Deep down inside, I feel that it isn't the whole truth.
I finally get the guts to ask you what the real reason was, why did this happen because I don't believe this story of I need time that you have said to me on two different occasions.
After spending a quarter at school running into you and you just looked the other way when we said we would "still be friends." It made me feel that I really was nothing to you, that you couldn't even wave or even smile at me all you did was turn away from me like I was nothing.
So when I asked you and you said "there is nothing else to say, I explained it as best as I could." At first I was mad, because you couldn't do this one simple thing: to tell the girl you said you loved why you did it, why you broke her, why you couldn't find away to make this work.
You knew I was self conscious, so by you keeping whatever the real thing was inside to not hurt me it did the opposite. I don't know what I did wrong, so I don't make the same mistakes with others. But now you have made it so that I don't trust people especially guys.
This whole thing made me feel that I wasted the past four years. I could have gone to prom with my friends instead of getting a dress just to sit and talk to people. I could have had more friends that I pushed away because they were flirting with me and I had to say no stop, which just made them uncomfortable to even talk to me until you graduated from high school then they started to feel comfortable. I just think about all the different things I could have done if I wasn't with you.
I try to move on and try to forget you, but when I actually get close to someone or feel like something could happen I freak out. I think are they just going to drop me once they get bored of me? Are they telling me the truth? Do they really mean these things they are telling me?
I'm grateful that you gave me rides to and from school when you could, I'm grateful for all the new things you introduced me to.
But I did learn something: Don't be with someone that doesn't plan things out, leaving it all to you for planning stuff. If he doesn't offer to help with cooking, then he probably wont help I the feature. Having someone who will support you no matter what is important, that they don't leave you hanging when you really need them. If they don't stand up for themselves to the important people then will they stand up for you when those same people come at you, be with someone who will stand up for you and wont let other people talk behind your back. Be with someone who doesn't mind spending days inside just chilling, and can also be excited to go out on adventures.
So thanks for that at least.
The girls heart you broke