Rowling hit us all with the "All was well" a few years back and it's been nostalgic tears in my hot water Marauder's map mug ever since. Until Jack Thorne came and changed everything with a treat from the big man himself (J.K. Rowling, not God). Here is a composition of my less than nuanced thoughts on the play.
1. "I cannot believe I have another Harry Potter book in my hand."
2. "Well, it's not a book. It's a script. By another author."
3. "But IT DOESN'T MATTER because the gang is back together! Because they never split up! Because magic is real."
4. "The only thing that would make this moment better was if this was straight from J.K. Rowling's beautiful, genius brain."
5. "Of course James is a d*ck."
6. "Of course Hermione kept her last name."
7. "Hermione was never as annoying as Rose Granger-Weasley. Or was she, and we were only smitten by the charm of Rowling's pen?"
8. "Albus Severus is still the worst name for a child."
9. "I can't stop thinking about DILF, Harry."
10. "Ah, yes. The Battle at Hogwarts. I remember it as if it were yesterday."
11. Me, every time Hermione is addressed as "Minister":
12. "There are no words for the feels I'm getting with the image of Lily Potter wearing fluttering fairy wings around the house."
13. "Ginny has grown into a less-worried Molly, and it suits her."
14. "Wondering why Harry chose to be Head of Magical Law Enforcement instead of an Auror. I never took just Harry to be one for the suits."
15. "A new sorting hat rhyme!"
16. "Ah, the start of term feast in The Great Hall. I can smell the treacle tart from here."
17. "ALBUS IS IN SLYTHERIN."
18. "HOW IS HARRY POTTER'S SON IN SLYTHERIN."
19. "AND WHY IS SCORPIUS MALFOY SUCH A CHARMING FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD?"
20. "I'm done yelling, sorry."
21. "Professor McGonagall still holding it down. Gotta be a lean 645 years young these days."
22. "Watching Albus fall into the pit of depression is reminding me of my own higher education disparities. Godspeed, Albus."
23. "Albus and Scorpius are so next-level adorable that I don't even mind that there isn't a trio of next-gen Harry Potter kids to kerfuffle with."
24. "I still mind a little."
25. "Amos Diggory? Goblet of Fire throwback? Interesting..."
26. "And with Delphi's introduction, that makes a trio! My heart is mended."
27. "So I guess we all got that visual of Voldemort having sex, huh?"
28. "And the two have jumped off of the train."
29. "I had no idea the trolley witch was that bada**, by the way."
30. "Albus is already acting just like his father. Jumping off trains to save the wizarding world and what not."
31. "Why am I constantly being reminded of Cedric Diggory's death, as if I haven't cried six separate times since I watched the movie the other day?"
32. *Is in love with Scorpius's cute a** nerd brain and general politeness*
33. "I need to see Daddy Draco, AKA Tom Felton in a ponytail ASAP."
34. "Remember the good old days, when Time Turners were used for simpler things, like saving Buckbeak and helping a prisoner from Azkaban escape?"
35. "The script format immensely helps with spell learning."
36. "Going back in time is really not helping with my aching nostalgia."
37. "I am so happy the characters sound like themselves."
38. "SNAPE!"
39. "SNAPE NOT BEING A D*CK!"
40. Me, as Scorpius singlehandedly saves the world:
41. "Low-key have been shipping Ron and Padma since the Yule Ball."
42. "I am here for badass rebel Hermione."
43. "Grown-up Draco is so much better than Hogwarts Draco. Good things come with time, I supposed."
44. "Harry obviously does not know the first thing about being a father, and these parent/sibling fights are STRESSING ME OUT."
45. "These alternate dimensions are also stressing me out."
46. "Everything is a lie and love is shattered because Delphi is a psychopath."
47. "'Poor Albus' has been frequent among terms."
48. "VOLDEMORT AND BELLATRIX HAD SEX."
49. "Thank you, Jack Thorne, for that visual."
50. "Oh God, nothing good comes out of Godric's Hollow. DON'T GO."
51. "This has got to be at least the fourth time Harry has seen his parents get murdered after the fact."
