The first thing that comes to my mind after hearing the word ‘travelling’ is a group of loud backpackers staying at cheap hostels they hitchhiked to. What doesn’t come to my mind is holding a backpack bigger than I am and hiding away in corners, waiting for time to pass.
Traveling alone is terrifying. There’s no shield between you and the world. You’re alone against the shadows behind you during midnight walks, the lost route by the graveyard, or the knife you’ll casually find under your hostel pillow. You’re suddenly responsible for ridiculous tasks, such as staying alive, or making it to the bus station on time, and there’s no one to complain to about it.
Traveling alone is long. Nobody ever talks about how long a minute takes to pass when there’s absolutely no obligation to fill it. You could lie down on the grass and attempt to read as never-ending lines of tourists stop to take a picture of you as a tourist attraction. You could sit at a coffee shop and spend the next few hours feeling guilty for wasting time sitting at a coffee shop. You could walk aimlessly for hours and find comfort in how foreign your surroundings are, only to later crave any sense of familiarity you can find.
Traveling alone is quiet. It’s like being stuck in the state of trying to fall asleep, for days on end. There’s no one spontaneously deciding to share their life story with you, or asking you about the name of your first pet. Thank you for checking local restaurant rankings and no, I don’t feel like club-hopping tonight. When you travel alone, you can allow yourself the luxury of existing anonymously. There’s no one to synchronize your eating, sleeping, and socializing habits with. What do you mean you don’t feel like talking today? You will learn that there’s nothing more comforting than the sound of people speaking to anyone but you, because you won’t need to answer.
Traveling alone is relieving. Your life is filled with networks of social codes and obligations you need to fulfill at a certain time, at a certain frequency, in a certain way. You’re constantly coming up with innovative ways to disappoint those you haven’t disappointed, yet,and detailed plans to disappear. When you’re traveling alone, there’s no one to disappoint, except for yourself. It will be okay if you are not massively impressed by the sea and decide to sleep instead of staring at it for hours. No one will comment on you deciding not to look like you today. It’s okay to sit at a church for hours and watch the light fade away from the colors, just so you’ll be able to use that sentence in your journal later.
