The joint custody agreement between my parents was something I dealt with since a very small age. It took me a while to figure out that not every kid in my class had separated parents.

I didn’t understand why my family dynamic was very different than the “traditional” family. Unfortunately, due to the increase in divorce through recent years, a lot of other kids grew up with divorced parents.

These are just a few of the unique experiences one has when being a child with divorced parents.

Multiple Holiday Dinners.

Planning family dinners for big events such as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter are stressful enough for one group; now try two. I remember having to call my father asking him what time dinner was starting for his side of the family, and comparing it to my mom’s agenda.

I was an invited guest to two dinners per holiday--calculating to eight family dinners a year (including the 4th of July).

No one was ever “all together” to share a meal together. My two families were their own units, and I seemed to just be the one bouncing back and forth.

Two Ways Of Life.

Summer at my dad’s place meant picnic dinners at the park down the street. With mom, it meant going to the family cabin for long days at the beach.

My room at one house was painted a bright pink; the other, a soft white.

The snack drawer at dad’s was in the kitchen under the convection oven, at mom’s they were organized in the pantry. It almost felt as though I had different identities from one house to another.

Along with that, everything in life came in contrasting pairs.

I had two bedrooms.

I had two wardrobes of clothes.

I had different times dinner was served.

Family life was very separated. I didn’t have one whole happy family-- I had two different halves of a family that used to be one.

Uncomfortable Court Disputes.

I can recall a few times in which my parents were asked to appear in court to either review or make changes to my visitation commitment. Though I was never asked to appear before a judge, I always felt as though I needed to choose a side, and everyone was keeping score.

Everyone seemed to be asking me whose presence I wanted to spend more time with, when really, I just wanted some sense of a normal family. I knew my parents would never get back together, but the memory of answering that question and hurting someone’s feelings is one of the more tragic memories I have.

I’m glad my parents spilt up; I don’t believe anyone should be forced to stay married to someone if they are no longer happy. Though I had two separated parents, my sister and I bonded through this experience together, and have always leaned on each other for support.

Mom and Dad:

I love you both.