Finals Week. Two words which, when spoken to college students, can elicit a range of emotions from dread to fear. There is a shared misery during the week, where all students find themselves cramming for the exams to come. The long nights spent in the library or falling asleep in front of a computer are a rite of passage in the American college system. Though stressful, there is a sense of accomplishment that comes in making it through finals; if I can make it through this, then I can make it through anything.
Well that does seem true, until graduate school.
As a first year Master's candidate, I thought finals would be the same-old, same-old. In fact, after four years of undergrad, I actually feel very confident in my ability to take final exams and perform well. The problem, though, is that grad school finals don't resemble undergrad finals. The issue with this set of finals is not about a tough exam or uncertainty over my course grade. In all of my finals this semester, the path to an A was clearly laid out, and was a function of my perseverance to finish assignments. While this may sound preferable, it actually had a more stressful impact.
For me, I am usually just about out of willpower come finals week. But in grad school, this is where the willpower is needed most. The deliverables are papers, rather than exams, with associated presentations. The presentations aren't bad -- they're one-offs, and no matter how intimidating, are over at a finite time. The papers, however, tend to live on forever. For grad school, an A paper is of publishable quality -- a much higher bar to hit than in undergrad. And because of this, there are always revisions. And more revisions. And still more revisions. The professors are very helpful in guiding the writing process, but it seems that after every draft, more suggestions seem to appear. This is, by its very nature, an intrinsic aspect of writing, that it is never perfect. But trying to reach that perfection for a grade is a daunting process.
Each time a revision comes back, there is the hope that maybe this draft the paper will be deemed worthy of a grade. Because a B is not an option, the papers have to be re-drafted until coming to A quality. It is a bit like Sisyphus' toil. According to myth, Sisyphus was the Greek king condemned to an eternity of hard labor. His task was to roll a boulder up a hill, which then promptly slipped back to the bottom every night. So he would wake up and repeat the task the next day, and the next day, and the next day, ad infinitum. The grad-level finals' process is a voracious vacuum of energy, with one never knowing when the end will come, only knowing that it must. Parceling energy and willpower is extremely difficult when the finish line isn't apparent. Which reminds me that it's time to go push the boulder again.
