Who doesn't love some brutal honesty?
We all remember Simon Cowell's insanely honest and brutal judging style from "American Idol." Cowell was a judge on "Idol" for the show's first 10 seasons. He has also judged on "Pop Idol," "Britain's Got Talent," "X Factor UK," "X Factor USA," and most recently "America's Got Talent." Fans from all over would tune in just to witness his brutally honest critiques. So just for a good laugh, here are 50 of Simon's most brutal quotes.
1. "You just killed every cat in Denver."
2. "Thank you. No."
3. "Vanessa, if anyone ever asks me in my life what my nightmares look and sound like, I'm gonna refer to that."
4. "There is as much chance of you being a pop star or a rock star as me flying to the moon tomorrow morning for breakfast. It's never going to happen."
5. "It was a little bit like... uh... annoying girl singing in the bedroom."
6. "Last year, I described someone as being the worst singer in America. I think you're possibly the worst singer in the world."
7. "You just put through a giraffe."
8. "It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun."
9. "Don't sing again."
10. "I'm not being rude, but you were that bad honestly. I mean my pen has got more charisma."
11. "If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning."
12. "It says here you work as a wedding singer? How many ended in divorce?"
13. "You've just invented a new form of torture."
14. "I can honestly say you're the worst singer in America."
15. "That whole audition was something I would expect to hear outside Magic Mountain at Disney."
16. "That was exactly identical to a nightmare I had last week."
17. "You look like a pen salesman."
18. "You better hope there's a lot of girls watching this with the volume turned down."
19. "I couldn't hear anymore."
20. "Well, if you were to move on, it would be without me judging this competition."
21. "I think you invented notes never ever before heard in music on that audition."
22. "You couldn't win this competition if you were the only one in it... in a million years."
23. "Can I stop this? Because I'm bored out of my mind."
24. "There are only so many words I can drag out of my vocabulary to say how awful that was."
25. "I was bored to tears throughout the entire song."
26. "You will never, ever, ever be a singer."
27. "If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."
28. "If the judging criteria or the voting criteria here was to vote people through for managing to sing every note out of tune, you would win tonight."
29. "And it wasn't even good enough for a hotel lobby."
30. "My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't."
31. "The reality is, there's not a single person on planet earth who would ever pay to hear you sing."
32. "In every single way that was just everything I hated."
33. "There was absolutely nothing redeeming in it other than the fact that we stopped it early."
34. "It was all a little bit like angry girl in the bedroom screaming on the guitar."
35. "It was honestly, it was torture."
36. "Even your dog is struggling to get out of the room after that."
37. "Go to an audition where they lie to you. Thank you very much."
38. "No, we're not going to give you any love. It was a terrible audition."
39. "It's just rubbish."
40. "15 Thousand people auditioned in Cleveland and yet the odds of you getting in are a million to one."
41. "Yes you have personality, but dogs have personality. The audition, if I'm being honest with you, was horrible."
42. "America would hate you."
43. "I know a lot of people who would pay not to hear you sing."
44. "If you were to progress in this competition and God forbid win, I think you could single-handedly close down this show."
45. "Just get out. Just leave."
46. "It sounded like you were screaming at a neighbor at the end."
47. "That was so awful it was beyond description."
48. "OK, you proved your point. You really can't sing."
49. "You have the personality of a mouse."
50. "The only decent thing about that audition was the end."
If you are ever feeling badly about yourself, just think about the above quotes, and remember that at least they weren't said to you. We all need a little humor in our lives, so let's appreciate the good laughs that Simon Cowell so brutally and easily gives us.
