Yesterday my friend treated me to an iced beverage from Starbucks after finding 20 bucks on the ground. That’s the closest I will ever come to getting rich quick. We walked back to the film school, the condensation from my blended mocha kissed my palm as I slurped my whipped cream through my straw in a circular motion.

My friend and I walked in silence for a minute after discussing the disillusionment we felt over the success we wanted and how far off it seemed. We sipped sugary drinks as we tiptoed across train tracks and dodged cars while crossing streets without cross walks. We rode on the outskirts of our mid 20s, not fully wanting to commit to them but never wanting to look back. I thought deeply about where I am in life and how I desperately need a job and how I don’t feel like a really belong anywhere. I thought about how I should’ve got the Venti.

We walked in silence until I jumped in with, “I think I’m at the point of no return with Top Shelf Gaming.” Without missing a beat she asked, “Do you like that?” What an astute question. Did I like that? It’s been over two years now. Too many people know about it now. I can’t quit anymore, even if I wanted to. Whether I liked it or not, this baby I conceived is at the point in its term where it is undeniably “viable”, the term doctors use to determine if an abortion is still an ethical measure. I wouldn’t dream of aborting my passion project, but I think about it. Often.

Top Shelf Gaming is a different kind of video game editorial website. Ultimately it is a site that tries to tell stories about the human experience through the lens of gamers and video game communities. I think it’s a nifty platform that encourages people to share their stories and experiences about gaming in a way that many other sites might not permit. I set it up such that silly interviews with celebrities using only questions from a mobile game can exist alongside very serious articles about addressing bigotry while playing games online.

I’m very proud of what I’ve been able to build and am endlessly thankful to all the people who have volunteered countless hours of their time to contribute to TSG’s success. Yet there is still so much work to do. Two years in I thought things would be a lot different. We frequently miss my monthly traffic goals and often get rejected for press badges for bigger conventions as a result. Our fanbase is dedicated though small.

When I first started Top Shelf Gaming two summers ago, I thought I would have a media empire by now. I foolishly thought that I could attain the same success as people who have been doing this for five-10-20 years longer than me. The reality is that even today, most of the content we put out doesn’t get read by anyone compared to sites who are able to get millions of page views everyday. We are still guppies in a pond full of fresh water dinosaurs.

There’s a number I’ve been hearing everywhere lately. Five. As in, it typically takes about five years before any creative work really takes off. Entreprenuer Jon Westenberger won’t even consider a business venture unless he can envision himself committing to it for at least five years. IGN’s newest personality Alanah Pearce worked for five years writing for various gaming sites mostly without pay before IGN offered her a job that whisked her away from Australia and landed her in the games press Mecca of San Francisco.

If I am to follow this trend and see Top Shelf Gaming catch fire in the way I want it to, it means at least three more years of grinding, building, breaking, and rebuilding. It is important for me to put this into context as to not get discouraged at the lack of results I’m seeing even though I’ve invested so much time, money, and effort into this endeavor.

My straw ransacked the bottom of my plastic cup as I searched for any remnants of my chocolate drink, pondering the question my friend asked. “Yes,” I answered after swallowing more whipped cream than I particularly cared to. “I do like that I’ve reached the point of no return, because if I’m in it for the long haul then I will eventually see the success I’m looking for.” Even still, I wouldn’t mind finding a 20 dollar bill on the ground every once in a while.