Or, 5 Things We Know are Ridiculous, but We Buy Anyway Because Tradition Tells Us to.

1. Noise makers.

I hate the individual responsible for creating these tools of Satan. Seriously. There is no point or purpose to these devices of evil.

Use them once at midnight to ring in the new year. That's fine. But that's never how it happens. Someone--the kids at a family New Years celebration, or that friend who's already drunk when you're partying with your pals--who feels the need to begin randomly blowing the noise makers at fifteen minute intervals beginning at 9pm. With each blow, the noise becomes louder and squawkier until it's no longer a little "whoo!" noise, but a series of ear-splitting shrieks. All. Night. Long.

2. "Year" sunglasses.

Not only do you look like a total tool wearing sunglasses INSIDE, ya know, at night, but there's also the small fact that these useless pieces of face decor actually hinder you from watching the fireworks. You know, the biggest and bestest New Years tradition of all. Not to mention the fact that by the end of the night your face and torso with be so covered with glitter, you'll look like you got mugged by Tinkerbell. Or an eight-year-old.

3. Paper (cardboard, plastic, etc.) party hats.

Let's face it, we're just too old for these to be fun anymore. After someone makes the customary "hey, I'm a unicorn" joke, they become obsolete and unflattering, and you spend the rest of New Year's Eve accidentally snapping yourself in the chin/neck with the band or purposely snapping other people's chin/neck. It's madness. These fake hats must GO.

4. Plastic leis.

Don't get me wrong. I love leis. Currently, there is a very pretty flower leis hanging from the rearview mirror of my car (one, because it was a gift from a friend across the pond; two, because I secretly wish I was in Hawai'i all the time). However, those unfortunate party leis that are thrust upon us at New Years, while festive and (supposedly) fun, are actually just bunched up, plastic scrunches that make our necks itch all night. No, thanks.

5. Confetti poppers.

I'll admit, I'm torn on this one. I love me a confetti popper. It's the stroke of midnight: the New Year has officially arrived! What's better than a mini-canon of confetti?! Nothing, I say, nothing! Unfortunately, hours (sometimes days) later when the party clean-up begins, someone (usually me having been the aforementioned confetti distributor) has to pick it all up. Which just totally sucks. And let me tell you, the vacuum will only pick up so much...

Help me, friends. Put an end to these pointless (and annoying) New Years traditions now, so that next year, we might actually enjoy the new year.

Wishing a very happy 2016 to us all.