List articles are the most baffling form of written content on the Internet today. These works offer no actual insight on a topic, yet people just can't seem to get enough of them. They exist solely for milking views from people on Facebook who will inevitably share it with their friends.
That being said, list articles and videos are insanely popular. Sites like Buzzfeed and WatchMojo consist almost entirely of this awful content. I want my articles to get a lot of views, so I am going to hop on this bandwagon. Through research I have uncovered a couple of trends that will help with creating the ultimate list article. This formula is absolutely foolproof and has been tested time and time again for terrible articles that idiots just love.
1. Tell people something that they already know.
A quick Google search of the phrase "ways you know you went to" yielded millions of results that supposedly help people confirm that memories of college actually happened and are not just wild hallucinations. These lists are entirely pointless, as you only need one sign to know that you went to Fordham University.
It's that you went to Fordham University.
Lastly, if you need seven reminders that you are from Toledo, please seek professional help.
2. Steal information from other sources.
Follow in the footsteps of giants like BuzzFeed and shamelessly post content created by other people without credit or citation.
On their article "18 Everyday Products You Have Been Using Wrong," the author cites reddit.com for this picture. Seeing as reddit.com is not a sentient person, it could not have created this picture. Clicking on the link leads to a comment thread about flossing where a user by the name of Simonific actually took this picture. Would it have been difficult to credit the actual photographer? Of course not, but it would take fifteen extra seconds and BuzzFeed writers don't have time for that. They need to pump out a dozen more "12 Signs That You Are A Normal Person Who Does Things" articles by tomorrow.
Side note: If you did not know this one, then you live under a rock.
3. Do the same list article as everyone else.
Coming up with original ideas is hard. It takes a long time to think of something worthwhile and meaningful. Unfortunately, no one has time for that anymore. So, instead, it's easier just to repeat the same list as everyone else. If you are going to make something terrible, then you might as well go all the way.
"Top 10 Greatest Pixar Movies" types of lists particularly anger me. Quite simply, each video will be near identical with the same movies in each one. As of January 5th, 2016 there have been 12 original non-sequel Pixar movies. This means that pretty much every list will be the same, with only the order mixed around.
4. Make every aspect of your post incorrect.
The writer must get everything wrong in the article in five seconds. The title of the article suggests that the following pictures will involve hand signs. However, the very first picture clearly shows someone who is not using their hands in any way whatsoever. No one in the production of this article stopped to consider this, because the only thing that matters is pumping out as many of these articles as fast as possible. Secondly, this gesture would, in no way, make my life easier. This motion represents saying "Hello," which is equal in difficulty to raising my chin up to acknowledge someone. The last and final point that I will make here is that it took three adult people to construct this article and it still turned out terrible.
Finally, the pièce de résistance,
5. Make an inane, vapid article and just add "and it's perfect" to the end of it.
Let BuzzFeed show you the ways.
Countless hits will follow.
So, now you have my ultimate guide to creating the perfect list article. As long as you are willing to sacrifice your ability to think creatively, you will have people clamoring for more. Follow these steps and I personally guarantee that millions of people will fall in love with what you have to say, even though you are saying nothing at all.
