5 Ways Every College Student Knows They Are In The Midst Of Finals

5 Ways Every College Student Knows They Are In The Midst Of Finals

The worst times of the best times of your life

Finals are the bane of any college students’ existence. We all hate it, but we know it’s the only path to the glorious and necessary month off from school. In the weeks leading up to our release, we all despise our blessed academic education and ourselves. Here are the five ways you know you’re in the pit that is finals week.

1. Your chronic illness has magically worsened.

You’ve been sick since you became within a 5-mile radius from school in August. It’s actually impressive how quickly the student body can contract and spread diseases in such a short period of time. It’s as if the bacteria on campus is stronger, the viruses more determined, the mumps: relentless.

During finals week, the lack of sleep, peak levels of stress and poor dietary habits will throttle your degenerate body into a self-destructive hole filled with cough drops, endless tissue boxes and let’s not forget, PACKS of EmergenC!

To add, the swollen lymph node protruding out of your neck health services said would go down within days has actually further inflated. Shocked? Don’t be. That lymph node will swell until it reaches the dimensions of a medium-sized peach.

Enjoy the mobility your neck achieves now. Soon you’ll have as much head mobility as one of the poor buggy pulling horses. You also might wake up with a miscellaneous disease such as a pesky UTI or even pneumonia! Happy studying!

2. Your mental sanity is non-existent.

You have an Accounting and a Philosophy final on the same day. But after hours of studying it seems that your Accounting notes are spitting more ideological notions than the Philosophy notes! Hmm. Your mental stability is in the gutters.

The abundance of all-nighters mixed with the dangerously high doses of Adderall will probably give you permanent brain damage. These delusions of grandeur are just the beginning symptoms. But hey! Don’t worry! It’s not like your GPA is determined by your finals grades! Oh but wait! For the most part, it is! Oooooops.

3. You gain or lose five pounds.

If you’re a stress eater, you can kiss the bikini body you dedicated the entirety of this semester to buh-bye! The second you receive your first study guide you resort to Good Uncle’s pub food portion of the menu and order a LARGE chicken tender and fries, as a study aide, of course.

If you’re feeling a bit health conscious you might throw in a pint of Halo ice cream. Why not! How much damage could the 200 calorie pint do following the 1000 calorie plus snack you just inhaled!

For those who instantly drop five pounds just at the thought of finals, we stress eaters hate you. Nevertheless, your shriveled malnourished bodies suffer just as much as ours. Prepare for designer bags to line your eyes, as well as cheekbones to protrude from your face to give you gaping contour shadows for the face.

No need for bronzer ladies! You must be careful walking to and from the library, any strenuous physical activity could result in your entire body frame shattering. But if your body did shatter, would that mean you would be exempt from finals? Let’s ponder that scenario.

4. Addicts hit a wall.

Students with soft addictions rely on their substance abuse to get them through this week. Nicotine addicts suck their JUUL pods dry until their stash disappears. This subsequently creates a hunt of never before desperation for more pods.

These students are already financially broke so they offer leftover dining hall money, Adderall, or their limbs to buy one more precious pod to get them through the next hour. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game.

5. The library becomes your home.

You have a part of the library you claim as "home" for finals. Whether it’s the corner of the silent room or smack in the middle of the basement, you will create a unique print of your behind on the chair of your choosing. Similar to a thumbprint, the shape you’re ass leaves on that chair will forever symbolize the tears, blood, and sweat you put into your finals.

Study hard.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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What Do You Do When Tragedy Strikes Your Former Home?

In my desperate attempt to figure this out, I'm writing about it.


On November 8th, I woke up with a voicemail from my mom. It went a little like this,

"Hey, it's Momma. I'm sorry it's really early your time, but I wanted to have you hear from me before you got the news on. There was a mass shooting in Thousand Oaks last night at a country bar about ten minutes from where our house was in Moorpark. There are 12 people dead, the shooter is dead, and a cop. It was college night at the bar, so anyone over 18 could go in. There were students from multiple colleges there, that's all they know so far. It's just horrible." And so on. I made it about halfway through the voicemail before I pulled out my laptop.

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According to USAToday, the Thousand Oaks shooting is the 307th shooting on the 311th day of 2018. Are we supposed to allow ourselves to be desensitized to this gun violence? I sure hope not. I'll save you the agony of listening to how the rest of my day went. Long story short, I watched the news and cried more than I'd like to admit.

As the day carried on, I watched the pictures come up on my computer screen. I scrolled through social media and looked at my friend's posts of their friends being safe. Somehow, that did not calm me down. I watched the victim's faces pop up one by one on my laptop, and I listened to the stories.

All country music lovers, all college students, all heroes who helped save the lives of others before they lost their own. It was not until Friday that I realized I did recognize one of the faces. I logged onto my Facebook to get rid of a notification, and there it was. A picture of my childhood swim coaches, and Noel Sparks. Now, I understand that it's been years, but that doesn't make it any better. Each victim of the shooting had so much more life to be lived, and my heart breaks for each one of them. I send all of my love to the family, friends, and everyone affected by the Borderline shooting.

Not even a day later, there was news of a fire that is rapidly spreading. According to CBS News, The Woolsey fire has burned 98,362 acres of land and is only about 57% contained. While this fire has only 3 confirmed fatalities, the second fire that is burning in California has taken the lives of 56 people and burned 140,000 acres of land. I can spit out as many facts as my fingers can research, but it doesn't change the fact that my heart aches for my former home. When all of this tragedy happens and I'm 1,835 miles away, I have never felt so helpless. I donated to the victim's families, but I have not found a way to make sense of this in my mind. Why do these things happen? There's no concrete answer to this question, so am I going to wonder it forever?

If you would like to find a place to donate to the Borderline victims' families, click here. If you would like to find a place to donate to the victims' of the fires, click here.

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