5 Ways Every College Student Knows They Are In The Midst Of Finals

5 Ways Every College Student Knows They Are In The Midst Of Finals

The worst times of the best times of your life

Finals are the bane of any college students’ existence. We all hate it, but we know it’s the only path to the glorious and necessary month off from school. In the weeks leading up to our release, we all despise our blessed academic education and ourselves. Here are the five ways you know you’re in the pit that is finals week.

1. Your chronic illness has magically worsened.

You’ve been sick since you became within a 5-mile radius from school in August. It’s actually impressive how quickly the student body can contract and spread diseases in such a short period of time. It’s as if the bacteria on campus is stronger, the viruses more determined, the mumps: relentless.

During finals week, the lack of sleep, peak levels of stress and poor dietary habits will throttle your degenerate body into a self-destructive hole filled with cough drops, endless tissue boxes and let’s not forget, PACKS of EmergenC!

To add, the swollen lymph node protruding out of your neck health services said would go down within days has actually further inflated. Shocked? Don’t be. That lymph node will swell until it reaches the dimensions of a medium-sized peach.

Enjoy the mobility your neck achieves now. Soon you’ll have as much head mobility as one of the poor buggy pulling horses. You also might wake up with a miscellaneous disease such as a pesky UTI or even pneumonia! Happy studying!

2. Your mental sanity is non-existent.

You have an Accounting and a Philosophy final on the same day. But after hours of studying it seems that your Accounting notes are spitting more ideological notions than the Philosophy notes! Hmm. Your mental stability is in the gutters.

The abundance of all-nighters mixed with the dangerously high doses of Adderall will probably give you permanent brain damage. These delusions of grandeur are just the beginning symptoms. But hey! Don’t worry! It’s not like your GPA is determined by your finals grades! Oh but wait! For the most part, it is! Oooooops.

3. You gain or lose five pounds.

If you’re a stress eater, you can kiss the bikini body you dedicated the entirety of this semester to buh-bye! The second you receive your first study guide you resort to Good Uncle’s pub food portion of the menu and order a LARGE chicken tender and fries, as a study aide, of course.

If you’re feeling a bit health conscious you might throw in a pint of Halo ice cream. Why not! How much damage could the 200 calorie pint do following the 1000 calorie plus snack you just inhaled!

For those who instantly drop five pounds just at the thought of finals, we stress eaters hate you. Nevertheless, your shriveled malnourished bodies suffer just as much as ours. Prepare for designer bags to line your eyes, as well as cheekbones to protrude from your face to give you gaping contour shadows for the face.

No need for bronzer ladies! You must be careful walking to and from the library, any strenuous physical activity could result in your entire body frame shattering. But if your body did shatter, would that mean you would be exempt from finals? Let’s ponder that scenario.

4. Addicts hit a wall.

Students with soft addictions rely on their substance abuse to get them through this week. Nicotine addicts suck their JUUL pods dry until their stash disappears. This subsequently creates a hunt of never before desperation for more pods.

These students are already financially broke so they offer leftover dining hall money, Adderall, or their limbs to buy one more precious pod to get them through the next hour. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game.

5. The library becomes your home.

You have a part of the library you claim as "home" for finals. Whether it’s the corner of the silent room or smack in the middle of the basement, you will create a unique print of your behind on the chair of your choosing. Similar to a thumbprint, the shape you’re ass leaves on that chair will forever symbolize the tears, blood, and sweat you put into your finals.

Study hard.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Some Thoughts On Snow In Farmville

Remember, you can't spell "Snow" without "NO."

I'm starting to wonder if the first day back at Longwood is cursed. Remember, you can't spell "Snow" without "NO."

Granted, we've only had significant snow on the first day of Spring semester and the first day after Spring break, but that's a heck of a coincidence.

I have noticed, however, that when there is inclement weather, it tends to elicit (at least what I would consider) strange reactions in Farmville.

Allow me to break down the process of a snow day (or snow scare!) in Farmville:

1. There are weather reports of a possible snowstorm that Farmville would be in the wake of.

2. It blows up on social media, students clamor for a snow day.

3. The snow starts.

4. The school has to make a choice about whether to close or not.

5. Students react.

It kind of baffled me earlier this semester and this past Monday when everyone was shouting for a snow day before it actually snowed. I lived in New Jersey for eight years, where, like the rest of the north, you wait for the snow to come before panicking.

The idea of calling a snow day before it actually snows (or at least before some incredibly ominous clouds roll in) is extremely strange to me. Second, it was really weird that people wanted a snow day for the first day of school and for the first day back after break.

What are you afraid of, syllabus day? Beyond that, you paid a lot of money for classes, don't you want to get your dollars' worth?

I actually think Longwood handled the cancelation of the first two days of this semester really well: there were reports of snow, snow started coming in the night before, they canceled school. As it snowed all day, the next day was canceled as well. I think that given the several inches of snow we got, in a rural town in the south, it was the correct call.

However, I disagree with how this past Monday was handled. It snowed pretty steadily for most the day, and the ground (including pavement) was eventually covered. School officially closed at 4PM, but I honestly think that's a bit of a moot point.

Yes, there are still classes that run after that (I had one that was canceled), but if you had to come to campus, you already did. I'm not a commuter, but I don't think there was enough consideration given to commuters coming (and leaving) campus with the weather. Specifically, I mean commuters who live a significant distance away (as opposed to those on High Street two seconds from campus), who had to drive on barely plowed roads.

The other issue I have with late closing (as opposed to a full day off) in regards to snow is that our campus is simply not equipped to handle snow (or ice, for that matter).

Waiting for the FAB by the library? There's no heating or cover. Walking on the sidewalk? Hope you don't slip (we don't need to salt the sidewalk most of the time so we don't). Hanging out outside? There's no covered seating. It goes on, but the reality is that our campus is not equipped to snow because, generally speaking, we don't need to be.

That's why when it does, I think that in most cases, we don't have a realistic option of holding classes.

I'm not sure what the solution is, or if there is a better one, but I think that recent experiences with snow can help guide better choices for the future.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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15 'VeggieTales' Songs You Definitely Never Forgot

Brb, off to make my Spotify playlist of all these jams!

When I was little, VeggieTales and the songs that come from it were my jam. My sisters and I owned several CDs of Larry’s Silly Songs, and we knew them all by heart. Recently, I’ve had conversations with a few friends about favorite VeggieTales songs. To remind everyone of those favorite VeggieTales songs from long ago, here are 15 you definitely never forgot!

1. "The Hairbrush Song"

This song was constantly sung in my house growing up. I mean, with a houseful of girls, it’s not surprising that we were constantly looking for or talking about hair brushes. Fortunately, none of us had to come to the same sad realization as Larry.

2. "The Water Buffalo Song"

Don’t you know, everyone has a water buffalo? With the little props and the interrupted song, this one is classic Larry and his Silly Songs.

3. "I Love My Lips"

Not going to lie, this song gets stuck in my head more times than I would like to admit. Larry jumping around, exclaiming how much he loves his lips, is iconic. Honestly, I want to be as passionate about something as Larry is about his lips.

4. "Promised Land"

I love that the promised land centers around food. To be fair, my promised land would also center around food.

5. "His Cheeseburger"

Every college student can relate to this song since it’s literally just a song all about food. I would sing songs to and about my favorite food any day.

6. "Endangered Love (Barbara Manatee)

Once again, Larry is me; I am Larry. Singing about your favorite soap opera character? I’m so down.

7. "Good Morning, George"

This song is another classic in my house. It was especially relevant in the morning since I’m not a morning person and my dad is. He would wake me up by sing-yelling down the hall, “Good morning, George, how are you?” Needless to say, I was never “feeling fine.”

8. "Oh Santa"

VeggieTales has everything covered, and Christmas is no exception! An ode to Santa where everyone except the IRS person is let in? Sounds like my type of song (also no, I don’t just let robbers into my house, don’t worry).

9. "Song of the Cebu"

The slide projector in this video is my favorite. When was the last time you saw one of those? Not to mention Larry’s picture narration is amazing. He sounds like every person just getting back from an amazing vacation.

10. "Oh No! What We Gonna Do?"

Yikes, Daniel better look out. Also, bad guys singing songs and dancing? Reminds me of West Side Story.

11. "God is Bigger Than the Boogie Man"

Frankenstein sings along with Bob, Larry, and Junior in this song, and if that doesn’t appeal to you then I don’t know what will! Plus, everyone is just so happy in this one.

12. "Dance of the Cucumber"

Dramatic Larry and interpreting Bob, what a killer combo. Plus Larry casually insulting Bob and getting him to translate it is pure genius.

13. "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

Every lazy person’s dream is to be one of these pirates. Also, I’m thinking about making Larry’s list of things he’s never done a new bucket list. Thoughts?

14. "Stuffmart Rap"

I know this isn’t real rap, but it’s the closest I get to listening to rap music. I’ll take two of everything, please!

15. "Keep Walking"

I love that the pea guards think they’re so scary. I mean, they’re peas!

Brb, off to make my Spotify playlist of all these jams!

Cover Image Credit: flickr

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