The dining hall scares me. Do you know what I'm talking about? The fear of getting to the dining hall and sitting all by yourself in the middle of the dining hall with a spotlight on you while people laugh at you and call you a loser? (May be a little dramatic, but stay with me here). The fear of seeing all your friends at a table that has no seats left? The fear of not being able to find a seat? These are the things that race through my mind every day during lunchtime. THE DINING HALL IS A ZOO AT 1:00 AND IT SCARES ME. Following are the 5 reasons why the dining hall gives me anxiety:
1.) Scanning For People I Know
Something about looking for people in big crowds makes me anxious. I don't know what it is. I guess I don't like looking like I don't know where I'm going. I feel like people are watching me stand and search for a place to sit and I do not like that feeling. I like immediately knowing where I'm going, and making a straight geometric line to that place. Even though I know probably no one is watching me, and I worry about that for nothing- I digress.
2.) Friends...
They're lovely people. But sometimes they're so lovely that there is no room at their table, and I fear looking like the rejected person who has to go find another seat. Other times they decide to sit at a different table than usual, obviously to totally make me a nervous wreck. And then other times they stand me up and sit with other people. Totally not allowed and not cool. (But it's okay because they are stuck with me and I'm not ashamed of forcing my way into their lives.)
3.) Sitting With People I'm Not Close With
Funny- that actually doesn't happen because I'm afraid of being rejected, or being labeled as annoying, or being labeled as a creeper. I don't ask people if I can sit with them unless I know them well.
4.) Not Finding An Open Table
So when my friend's tables are full, and it's rush hour, there are like zero small tables open where it's acceptable to sit alone. The only tables open are the huge round tables that are meant for 8 people. I really don't want to sit at one of those all by myself. But I guess bigger is better in America, right?
5.) Sitting By Myself
Actually, I don't mind this too much. We all have busy schedules so it's not like people I know will always be there to eat with. But when they are there, and I'm eating alone, it cuts bro. It cuts.
Okay, so most of those points were exaggerated and very sarcastic. The dining hall doesn't make me an absolute wreck. And I know, I need to stop worrying about what people think. Most of the time eating goes pretty smoothly, except for when friends decide to throw a dead fly on my food, or they make me laugh so hard that I almost choke. But in the back of my mind, as I approach the dining hall at the rush hour of 1:00, these fears pass through me...
