Breakups are hard and can result in a whirlwind of pain and confusion, but following these tips should allow you to be more mindful of your feelings and have a better overall healing process.
1. Get in touch with yourself again.
Sometimes you can get so caught up in that special connection you have with someone that you forget what makes you, you. After a breakup, this can leave you feeling like you’ve lost not only a relationship but also yourself. Now’s the time to immerse yourself in the things you love – your hobbies, interests, and self-care methods. Start by asking, “What things are unique to me? What things am I passionate about that don’t have anything to do with my ex?” If you can’t come up with anything, that’s okay – even if you and your ex love all of the same things, you can still come back to them when it doesn’t hurt so much. Remember, with or without your ex, you’re still you.
2. Keep yourself busy, but don’t push too hard.
“Keep busy” is one of the most frequent pieces of advice you’ll hear after a breakup. But when you’re feeling down and out, it’s also important to allow yourself to rest and feel those sad feelings. Packing your schedule with nonstop activities might not be conducive to healing. Start slow, choosing one or two things per day to keep yourself occupied outside of any usual commitments (like school or work). Is there a book you’ve been meaning to read? A new hiking trail you’ve wanted to visit? A craft or recipe you’ve been meaning to try out? Do a few of those little things, if only to avoid staring at the ceiling for hours on end.
3. Find your support system.
Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen, people who make you laugh and people who want to help you be your best self. Whether it’s friends, family, coworkers or internet pals, identify the people in your life who can help you through this tough time.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Talk therapy isn’t just for people with long-term mental health issues. If you have the means, seeing a counselor or Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) for a few sessions might be helpful. It can provide you with the opportunity to work through your feelings about the breakup with someone who is unbiased. Counselors and MFTs can also provide more personalized suggestions for how to move forward, based on your particular concerns and needs.
5. Write it out.
After a relationship ends, it can be hard to determine where you stand. What went wrong? How do you get closure? Writing out your feelings can be a great way to gain an understanding about the end of your relationship. Many people find journaling helpful, while others find it more therapeutic to directly address their ex in a letter, even if they never give it to them. Ask questions. Express feelings such as sadness, confusion, and anger, and try to pinpoint the root of those feelings – research suggests that identifying specific feelings can have therapeutic effects.
You can get through this! Take your time, and most importantly, take care of yourself.
