I have always been the quiet girl. I have always had a book in my hand that helped me avoid conversation. I was never the girl that had dozens of friends, either. I had a small group of loyal and trustworthy friends who understood that I didn’t always want to hang out or talk. Then those friends went to different colleges and met new people. I went to college and started a new life.
Along the way, I became too comfortable with being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think being alone every once and a while is a bad thing. In fact, I think it is necessary. But, I let myself curl up in my room and avoid contact because I was scared and uncomfortable around other people.
So, this is for those introverts who got a little too good at being alone. These are the ways that I peeked out of my very comfy shell and started to thrive.
1. Have an accountability partner.
Hopefully we all have that one friend that we trust completely. That person will be a “judge-free” zone where we can feel free to be ourselves. Do not be afraid to ask for help! On those days when you just don’t feel like leaving the house, they will encourage (and sometimes force) you to leave that dark hole of a room and enjoy the fresh air. When they ask you to hang out and you say no, they will show up at your door with a smile and tell you to get off the couch. When there’s a party at a friend’s house, they will help you pick out your outfit and go with you.
After a while, these helpful pushes will make you more comfortable in social situations. Then, hopefully, you will find the motivation inside you that allows you to be your own accountability partner. You will push yourself to go meet with your partner for that biology lab, or go to a party with confidence. But asking for help is the thing that will kick start this whole process.
2. Smile and make eye contact.
If you’re like me, you find the ground really interesting when walking in public. The instant people start walking by, my eyes immediately gravitate to the sidewalk. Also, I don’t usually smile at people I don’t know. If I am forced to interact with the coffee barista, I give her my order and go about my day without a smile or a word. Then I realized, people need a smile every now and then. Even strangers.
So, when you’re walking to class or through the grocery store, look up!! Start making eye contact with the people around you. Give them a smile every once and a while. Listen, I’m not saying stare at people and smile at them with a creepy stalker look, just start to acknowledge their presence. People are meant to interact, so why not join the fun?
3. Your bed is not your BFF.
My bed is so incredibly comfortable. I have a soft mattress and fluffy pillows, and a warm blanket for cold nights. And I, more than anyone, understand the temptation to sleep in on a rainy day. But our beds can hold us back. I remember a time when I would come straight home from class and jump in my bed. Then I would get back up and go to my next class, and think about the next time I got to be in my bed again. The allure of sleep and isolation was holding me back from my full potential.
Eventually, I would stay after class and go to the coffee shop with a friend. Then some days I started to stay on campus to speak with a professor. Now, I sometimes find myself out from morning to night. It’s okay to love sleep. I do! But, don’t let it keep you from exploring everything around you and finding the joy outside of your bedroom.
4. Avoid procrastination.
I am the queen of procrastination. I can get ready for class in 10 minutes, but I won’t look cute. I can write a (mediocre) paper in a day. But if I let myself procrastinate everything, I will be the girl who looks like she just rolled out of bed (because she did) and who writes mediocre papers and gets mediocre grades. And that was me for a long time. Eventually, I got tired of settling for a mediocre life. I wanted to prove that I could actually apply makeup and look cute.
I wanted to see how my papers would turn out if I actually put some effort into them. Now, my grades are high, my makeup skills don’t suck, and I don’t let myself settle back into the never-ending cycle called procrastination. All it takes is some planning. Just start that paper a week early. Set two alarms instead of one. Start challenging yourself to be more than mediocre. Start striving for excellence.
5. It’s not going to happen in a day.
Don’t read this and think, “I’m going to be a whole different person when I wake up in the morning.” I hate to say it, but it doesn’t always work that way. It’s all about taking steps, day by day, to make yourself better. I don’t know the reason for your social anxiety. I don’t know why we are scared to talk to people sometimes. But I do know that we can change it. Just start with one small thing today. Then tomorrow, try it again. Next week, you might mess up. But the great thing about being human, is that we can try again tomorrow.
