I am disappointed with common sense. Time after time I have tried to define it, to capture it, to seal it in a bottle, whatever, but it always gets away from me. Common sense is like a fairy in medieval times, or religion; everyone seems to have an idea of what it is and what it looks like except for you and it’s your job to find it, or else face the consequences.

As far as I can tell, common sense is spawned from logic and it helps you navigate everyday situations like cooking and bathing. It seems most people like using it to mock me which I think is unfair. Not everything is immediately obvious and sometimes it requires real-world experience to know what has to be done in a given situation. To quote a favorite professor of mine: “common sense is, apparently, not very common.”

Only time can tell if I learn from my mistakes, like the 5 I have listed below:

1. Forgot I Was In a Time Crunch

A brilliant example comes from earlier this week when my mother asked me to pick up a thing or two at the store. I somehow forgot that my mom had to pick up my siblings from school and I spent a half-hour too long ruminating over potential Christmas gifts at Meijer that I never bought, anyway.

Once I got home, my mom literally rerouted me into a different car at the door so we could get to my sister’s school in time. Then we had a long conversation.

2. Turned My Phone Off, Forgot to Turn It Back On

During all that time, it seems, my mom had tried to call me to ask when I could get back home. She asked in the car if my phone was out of power. To prove it was not, I checked my screen to see how many calls she had made. The answer was 5.

I had set it to silent mode so I wouldn’t hear it on the highway. Plus one for me. The problem is, I forgot to turn it on again. Until just now. Oh, well.

3. I Don’t Know How My Own House Functions

My mom would have had a field day reminding me of my most recent screw-up, but she (unfortunately) couldn’t remember what I did, at the time. Ah…karma is sweet.

I remembered later that the issue I was having was I couldn’t remember which one of our machines was the washing machine and which one was the drier. I could have just looked at the dials on the machines, but instead I asked my mom, figuring she would know since she does the laundry every day. In response to that question, I got the good-old “are you serious?” stare.

I, then, for some reason, reminded her of what I had done and ended up getting the stare again. My mind is a mysterious place…

4. Left a Pan on a Warm Stove

“You need to take the pans off or they warp! You study science, right? The heat needs to transfer somewhere!”

“But I turned the stove off!”

“It still needs to cool down!”

“Won’t the heat just transfer to the air?”

“No, it transfers to the metal which is on the stove. If you have food it in it then it’ll be fine because all the heat goes into the food, but if not, it warps the pan.”

“They teach us chemistry in college, not cooking!”

“Cooking is chemistry, Hannah.”

I swear that you have families so that you have a place where you can live out your most embarrassing moments.

5. Remembered That I Have an Article Due on Friday

My biggest mistake and greatest misfortune. This was written on Friday morning, at 11:26 AM Eastern Standard Time. Hope you all liked it, anyway.