Arguably, the worst part of being "A Human Adult" is the inevitability of the job search. Soul-sucking, never-ending, and rarely fruitful, the job search mangles whatever is left of your mental stability, and replaces any and all hope you've ever felt in your life with anxiety and pain. Starting the job search means knowingly pushing yourself in a vat of despair, in which you are sure to feel all of these feels, over and over until you've secured a job that will suck out whatever of your soul the job search has accidentally left behind.
1. You want experience but will not hire me to give me that experience.
For every entry-level position that requires "minimum two years experience" in the field. Explain to me how I'm supposed to obtain this experience if I need the same experience for internships too!
2. How long does it take for you to look at my application?
I'm not desperate, I swear I'm not desperate, but it doesn't take four weeks for the hiring manager to look at my application so why can't you just reject me already? The hiring manager must be a damn Libra; no other explanation for their indecisiveness.
3. Why do I need to write a cover letter?
If you want to know why I'm qualified for the position, look at my resume! That's what it's there for! Why do I have to write you a whole extra page in which I must grovel for this position you probably won't give me anyway?
4. When an employer makes you submit a resume and fill out work experience too...
I've spent a month tweaking my resume and wondering if you'll still hire me if I make the font an 11 instead of a 10, and now you've gone and wasted my time by making me fill out every single job I've held via your barely functioning career website instead of just looking at the resume I've perfected.
5. This is hopeless.
Life is meaningless and we were all set upon this planet to work 9-5s and complain about our bosses and pretend that sleeping late on weekends justifies our painful and worthless existence on this planet.