I love fire alarms as much as the next guy. They wake me up pretty effectively, send me into a dizzying panic, and eventually get me to leave the building (especially once I recover from the aforementioned panic and regain my bearings on time and place in the world).
Fire alarms can lose some of their appeal in the winter. After all, who wants to wait outside for two hours when all you've managed to grab for warmth was your swim team windbreaker – least you're not the guy in the towel.
The following is a list of five things that go through your noggin when the fire alarm goes off. Check off all that apply and if I missed any, feel free to leave it in the comments.
1. Panic. Sheer panic.
You were halfway through a Ryan Gosling makeout session in the middle of the Caribbean with shirtless pool boys and an endless supply of champagne aaaand-- bwah you're woken up by the loudest sound known to man. Thanks, Obama.
Alternative 1. Gotta pause the beats
You and the squad were bumpin the ole sound system when something in the music doesn't sound quite right... Oh, wait. That's because it's the fire alarm...
As the Terminator once said, "I'll be back... and I don't want to miss the chorus of "Work" even though I still have no idea what Riri's saying..." So someone pause that Barbadian princess and simya-bahdeh-werh-werh-werh-werh-werh ya butts outside...
2. Where the hell is everyone?
Literally, no one's in the hallway. What the heck? Guys, there's a blaring alarm signaling that the building is probably on fire – oh. There you are.
When it's the third fire alarm this month, people get a little comfortable with their evacuation speed.
3. Why is it negative 30 degrees outside.
In your leisurely saunter towards the door, you grabbed three things: your phone, your keys, and your red solo cup...which your friend then promptly replaced on the desk and made you leave behind. What you probably should've grabbed was that jacket you leave hanging off the back of your desk chair in case of emergencies like, you know, fire alarms. Ah, well, there's always next time...
4. This is goin' on muh Snapchat.
Nevermind that 75 percent of the people you're friends with are experiencing the same fire drill, this is going on your story – and they can bet their puppy dog filter you're going to time stamp this thing.
5. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jewish God, thank you Tom Cruise!
You get to go back inside!!!
And it's bottleneck season. For some reason, your peers are only using the one door despite there being both a left and a right but hey, you'll make it inside within the next fifteen minutes or so, right?
How'd I do? Accurate? Yeah, I know. We're going on hour two of waiting for the "all clear" signal. What else am I gonna do?
