Chronic pain comes from many different causes in many different forms. Despite this, people who do not experience chronic pain may not know what to say to someone who does and may try to "help" in a counterproductive and hurtful way. I can guarantee that people with chronic pain have heard at least one or two of the following phrases from people who do not experience chronic pain and that they do not appreciate any of them at all.
1. "Have you tried yoga?"
I started doing yoga when I was eight or nine before the really bad pains began. Doing it when I was older and experiencing more chronic pain clearly did nothing. While yoga may make able-bodied people feel healthy and better about themselves, it is not a cure for conditions they don't experience!
2. "Have you taken anything?"
I had an ignorant and ableist professor this semester whose response to my frequent flares was this phrase. She didn't really believe me when I said, "Yes, but that doesn't do anything." There is not a magic pill to alleviate chronic pain in the long-term. Chronic pain happens when it wants to happen and occasionally stops its host from going about their everyday life. I really don't care if a Tylenol works for an occasional headache that you experience. Your able-bodied headache, while surely is bothersome, is not comparable to people who experience chronic migraines or other pains. Tylenol is not a cure.
3. "It's all in your head!"
Right. So is that occasional headache that you get that Tylenol magically cures. Chronic pain conditions come from anywhere between genetics to past serious injuries. That's not in the head.
4. "You're too young/pretty to have chronic pain!"
Unlike humans, chronic pain does not discriminate by gender, age, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, beauty, or anything. Chronic pain takes who it wants when it wants. People who say this definitely mean no offense, but it's invalidating and hurtful. Would you like it if they retorted, "You're too ugly to be outside?"
5. "It can't be that bad!"
Want to trade bodies? Think you can handle it? This statement is invalidating to people who experience chronic pain when able-bodied people say it because able-bodied people do not experience chronic pain and therefore do not know for a fact how hard it can be. Even if they claim they're close to someone with chronic pain, they do not know.
So what do you say to someone with chronic pain? Well, if you were having a really bad headache, stomachache, or were terribly sick, would you want anyone to say any of the above statements? Probably not. When someone mentions they have a chronic pain condition, it's okay to ask what they experience and when so that you're clear on it. When someone says they're having a flare with their pain, just say, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help you?" People with chronic pain do not want random peoples' opinions or non-professional medical advice. They want friends and family who will spend time with them even when they lack energy or ability, who will care for them, who will advocate for them, and who will just be humans with them. That isn't so hard, is it?
