It's been an *interesting* week in American politics, to say the least. Whether you're a left-side snowflake or a gun-toting GOP, I think we can all agree that the next 4 years are going to be a doozy -- and what better time than now to plan your next (possibly permanent) vacation to a foreign country?
Canada is like America's cool older cousin. It's got everything: Justin Trudeau, ski resorts, poutine, Justin Trudeau, hockey, adorable accents, Justin Trudeau...you get the point. When America is divided by racial, gender, and partisan turmoil, we can always count on Canadians to show us a good time (and 18+ drinking laws).
So don't get discouraged by our current State of the Union; pack your bags, lace up your favorite L.L. Bean boots and start driving north as fast as possible. And if Montréal is your destination of choice, read on for *pro-tips* that are sure to keep you busy while you forget the life you've left behind.
1. Frolic in the snow
Winter in Canada is brutal, so it's best to be prepared. Once you've spent hundreds of dollars on new snow tires and another couple hours shoveling your car out anyway, you'll be ready to hit the slopes, go sledding with friends, or ice-skating in the park. Just make sure to wear protective gear or the snow blindness will make you forget that you ever left America at all!
2. Meet some hipsters
Sure, you don't speak French but that doesn't have to stop you from speaking the other beautiful language of Montréal: hipster. Throw on a beanie, fill your new apartment with records and polaroid pictures, and place an unlit cigarette in your mouth, just to be quirky and ironic. You'll be ordering mixed drinks out of mason jar glasses with pals in no time.
3. Visit the Notre-Dame Basilica
After picking up some maple syrup from the tourist shop down the street, put down your cell phone for ten minutes and take in the church's Gothic Revival architecture. As you stare out a stained glass window, light a candle for the dark abyss that is your future and America's, too.
4. Cry into a bowl of poutine
You're starting to have second thoughts about uprooting your life and starting over again. Maybe you're not a huge hockey fan, or you've realized that Tim Horton's will never compare to daily Dunkin' runs. Luckily, there's nothing like cheese curds and gravy to remind you that everything will be okay.
5. Enjoy the nightlife
Now that you've realized that Canada is not the place for you, it's time to go out in a blaze of glory. In your tightest dress and highest heels, hit up Thursday's club and throw back tequila shots like the world's gonna end tomorrow. If you're lucky, you'll be arrested for public indecency and deported back to the land of the free and the home of the brave.
In the end, no country is perfect. But if you're lucky enough to call America your home, don't be so quick to abandon it.