By the time you're reading this, Halloween will have come and gone. This doesn't mean, however, that the spooky times have to end-- Netflix plays terrible, cringe-worthy Halloween movies all year long. Everyone has their one guilty pleasure scary movie, whether it be "Sharknado" or something equally as awful. But these movies get old after the fifth time your friends force you to watch them, so let's talk about some hilariously terrible scary movies that you should be watching to keep the Halloween fun going long into November!
Caution: Spoilers Ahead!
1. Teeth (2007)
Where do I even start with this movie? If you thought it couldn't get much worse than "Sharknado," think again!
The premise of this movie goes as follows: a young woman has a "condition" of sorts, known as vagina dentata. You can probably venture a guess as to what this fancy Latin phrase means, but if you can't, I'll help you out: it basically means that her vagina has teeth. The whole movie is basically one woman "discovering herself" through decimating male genitals... if you know what I mean.
Best quote: "It's true! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata!"
2. Albino Farm (2009)
When I discovered this movie, I was in eighth grade. I found it in a scary movie section of a movie rental place (you know, when those were still around), and my life has never been quite the same.
This one's a true masterpiece, and it's so worth a watch. In summary, this movie is one of your basic "college kids on a hike who happen to stumble upon something weird" thrillers, only this time they stumble upon- you guessed it- a farm of people with albinism!
Of course, these aren't just normal albino people-- they are crazy rednecks that chase, kill, pillage, etc. You know, the usual redneck stereotype.
There is also a character named "Pig B*tch," so if for nothing else, watch the movie for that sick moniker.
Best quote: There isn't one. Just appreciate "Pig B*tch" as much as I do.
3. Devil (2010)
This entire movie is set in an elevator in an office building-- genuinely one of the most genius set designs I've ever seen. The people on the elevator get stuck, like they should in any good elevator- themed movie, and begin to pit themselves against each other. Being stuck in a small space tends to do that to people.
The movie is pretty short, so the characters don't really have much time to develop. That kind of made this movie a bit harder to watch, at least for me. In the end, they discover that (total shocker) the Devil himself has been in the elevator the entire time! What a twist.
Best quote:
Detective Bowden: Any luck with the elevator company?
Detective Markowitz: They're out of business.
Detective Bowden: I guess that figures.
4. The Devil Inside (2012)
Another one of those super awesome fake documentary films, this one follows a girl named Isabella on her quest to figure out if her mom is mentally ill or possessed by the Devil (because apparently those issues have the same symptoms).
When the mom starts spouting words in the spookiest of languages, i.e. Latin and Italian, Isabella and her crew start to get what's going on-- because the mother cutting crosses into her arms and lips didn't hint them to lean towards possession to begin with.
Best quote: "My ass is bleeding, my ass is bleeding!"
5. Human Centipede 3 (2015)
As if the first two Human Centipede movies weren't bad enough, this one takes the cake for the absolute worst movie I've ever seen in my life. The entire thing reuses actors from previous movies, but they play completely different characters than they did before. It's basically like a really terrible Western that ends in a human centipede. Plot twist of the century.
What makes this movie even better is that the main character screams. Every. Single. Line. We had to turn on the subtitles.
Best quote: "AGHHHH AGH AGH UIQFNOCPK!"
Keep the spook going long into the winter months, my friends. It's never too late for some spook-tastic movies. Happy Halloween!
