You have been working your ass off all week; you even attended all your classes. Without a doubt you have earned a night of crazy, drunken fun, and lucky for you there is a party tonight. After spending a few hours on Pinterest and finishing a bottle few glasses of wine you finally have the perfect costume for the theme. Now is the time to begin your pregame and rally your sisters because in the famous words of Pitbull “it’s about to go down.”
Denial
Every night out starts with making promises you will inevitably break. You swear to your sister that you won’t get that drunk because last weekend was a one-time only thing, yeah okay. You convince yourself that you have the perfect outfit and it’s not too slutty. You can’t be a slut if everyone else is dressed up too, right? You will definitely not end the night making out with a stranger, and your dancing has gotten much better; no longer are you the spitting image of TSwift at an award show. As the pregame starts to end and you make your way to the party you loudly proclaim that you do not care that your ex will be at the party tonight because you know you guys are “friends.”
Anger
Once you arrive at the party you make your grand entrance and realize nothing is what you thought. Much like Cady Heron at a Halloween party you absolutely misjudged the theme. Now you must start drinking everything in sight to make up for your PNM worthy mistake. As you are scanning the crowd for the guy you will most likely end up kissing tonight you spot your ex. He is looking hotter than ever and boom, your target has been selected. While you stumble over to him with the perfect one-liner in mind you realize he is with a girl, and she’s hot like Giselle hot. You are pissed now, you’ve gone from zero to Amanda Bynes in 60 seconds. Who are you kidding, you are not okay with your ex being there.
Bargaining
Your sisters begin to panic when they realize how out of control you’ve gotten. It’s time to give your best impression of Elle in the courtroom because you have to defend yourself. It’s obvious you are bombed but you have to keep repeating, “I’m not drunk” and “Guys I am totally sober.” Say these phrases as often as you can. It is the only way to truly convince everyone that you are in fact sober. Plus, if you can dance, you can definitely walk.
Depression
You finally admit defeat after slipping and falling off an elevated surface. On your shameful walk out, you see your ex kissing the skank from before. Now it really is time to get the hell out of there. You pile into the DD's car and decide the only thing that can fix things is a burrito rolled with love from Chipotle. Your dreams are quickly shattered when your sisters remind you Chipotle has been closed for hours. You begin to ugly cry. Your night is once again ruined. You settle for Taco Bell because everyone knows it's Chipotle’s ugly twin.
Acceptance
At last, you have reached the holy mecca aka your sorority house. You crawl upstairs and get in bed with your big she knows best, duh. Now, it is time to finally admit your faults; you are single handedly running the hot mess express. Your sisters should be canonized for dealing with your drunken ass tonight. Not to mention your ex probably sucks and he had a small penis anyway. You should be on your knees praising Yoncé because you didn’t end up with him tonight. Overall though, these are the kind of nights you will never remember (again thank Yoncé) with the sisters you will never forget. So take some Advil and go to bed, you’ve earned some sleep.
