1. You never get complete closure.
Everyone wants closure. Even though you weren't technically dating this person, you want some reason as to why things ended. Whenever any type of "relationship" ends there is always confusion and mixed emotions involved. We need closure to put past situations behind us so that we can move on to the next chapter in our lives. But when there is not closure -- when the person you were with completely stops talking to you -- what do you do?
It's hard to create a scenario of how things ended in your head, when you know you actually got no explanation as to why things changed. Sometimes though, creating this scenario is the only options to push yourself to move forward. It's hard, but possible.
2. Just because you weren't technically in a relationship doesn't mean you didn't have expectations.
Everything they did and didn't say lead you to believe that one day there could be more. Remember the time they called you "babe" and always flirted with you around your friends, so you knew they were only paying attention to you? But then you remember that even though they acted a certain way or said things doesn't mean they followed through with having a relationship with you. The little things they did in front of others made it so hard to realize you were just an almost- relationship. The worst part though, you want to refer to them as your ex, but ex-what?
Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation where we bet all or nothing, even though we know the outcome isn't in our favor. This is how almost-relationships are: you want it to work out so bad that you bet all your chips on a losing game. But it does happen, we give our hearts freely and hope it gets treated well. I guess sometimes you have to risk it to win.
3. You only have your side of the story to tell when things end.
So many questions left unanswered. You wonder what went wrong, what you could have done differently, what was wrong with you, what was right with you, why it didn't work out -- you never get the answers to these questions you still question at night when you see them pop up on your social media newsfeed. You start to think everything is your fault because your mind just keeps trying to replay what happened with them. Keep in mind you are responsible for your own thoughts so don't let the "what if's" take over. Don't try to understand their logic, it no longer affects your life. Just know that you tried, and did everything you could possibly do.
4. Your friends will never be able to keep up with what happened.
Your friends will ask "what happened to the person you were talking to" or "how are you and them doing" or "are y'all official yet?" And because you things with that person has been on and off again, your friends just think it is a part of your relationship roller coaster. But, eventually you'll have to try to explain to your friends that things ended with that person. Your best friend will tell you that you were too good for them and if they wanted something real with you than they would have committed to you.
5. It's hard to tell the difference between what did happen and what could have happened.
We all want to believe that we will find that one person who will inspire you to be a better person and will love you unconditionally. This belief is what keeps us holding on to the could have beens and all of the futures we dreamt up with you, but never admitted. It's hard to think that maybe The Talk with the other person could have changed the outcome.
When you think back on all the memories you made with that person, it's easy to mistake the inch of happiness they gave you for a mile. You can't blame them though, you assumed they gave you a mile when they didn't. But at the very least, if we are all going through these almost-relationships then we can learn together to stop wearing our hearts on our sleeves, stay what we want to say, and stand up for what we want with that person. As humans, we are optimists who believe that love does exist. We just need to remind ourselves that the first step to finding love is an actual commitment, not an almost commitment.
