Wanting what we can't have isn't a new phenomenon. As children we were told we couldn't have that shiny new toy or that tasty ice cream cone; therefore, we naturally wanted it even more. Or as teens, our mothers told us not to pursue any "bad boys" or "bad girls", yet who were we most attracted to? Exactly.
Why is it we act this way? Knowing full and well that something or someone is unavailable or simply forbidden? Since we are human, what would you say we do this most with? Other humans, of course! The teenage boy lusting after his smokin' hot and married
female teacher, the girl fantasizing about the oh-so-sexy actor who has no idea who she is, or the one who keeps pining after the emotionally unavailable coworker...the list is endless. Well, I for one am no psychologist. However, because this desire is a collective trait among all humans that have ever lived, I can make a pretty accurate guess. I mean, what the hell, we've all been there. Here are 5 reasons why we can't resist the irresistible:1. As Carly Simon would say -- "You're so vain."
Now I'm not talking about the kind of vanity in which we post a bunch of selfies of ourselves on Instagram because we think we're just too hot for this world. The vanity lies within the flattery we gift ourselves when we think someone likes us or should
like us. Our egos go down the tubes when a person doesn't reciprocate the romantic feelings. We continue our efforts in hopes to change their mind and to nurture our own self-esteem. Because what can possibly be wrong with us? Didn't our parents always tell us how special we were? See -- it's so easy to make everything about us.2. Ahh... the chase.
The Lord of the Rings would be so boring if Smeagol stole the ring back from Bilbo in The Hobbit. Actually, there wouldn't even be any Lord of the Rings if that was so. The same goes with real life relationships. It wouldn't make for a fun story if the girl at the bar just said, "Sure I'll go home with you." By playing hard to get, people love that. It means we have something to win at the end of the 'game.' Plus, if something takes longer to achieve it must be more valuable, right? Hmm....
3. There's no commitment.
If you're one to cringe at the thought of commitment, then of course pining over someone you can't have is much easier. You know they can never be yours, so all the pros, cons and compromises that come with the package deal of an actual relationship, you don't have to deal with. Therefore, you only see the sparkly side of the other person where everything is fine and dandy. We choose to ignore that our fantasies about them never live up to reality. Ever. Because even if they give us 2 inches, we're always going to want 5 more. That rope will inevitably run out. We can never get 100 percent.
4. We are impatient.
No wonder why so many of us are at standstills in the dating arena. The temporary is much easier to wrap our minds around than the permanent. This is a shadow of our fear of the future. Instead of waiting for the right people, we leap toward the unattainable because in our minds, if the right person hasn't come along by now, then they never will.
5. It masks what's *really* troubling us.
Your parents are always fighting, so at night you go out drinking with your friends. Or, you sleep with random girls all the time because you don't want to think about the one you actually love but got away. We all try to suppress these familiar emotions. Here's someone we know that isn't good for us, or who isn't interested in us or who is completely off-limits, yet we don't mind continuing getting hurt. Even if it's only for a few moments of happiness, we don't care about the unhealthy habits of chasing someone because at least it gives us something else to think about besides the haunting insecurities lurking above.
You want the plot to twist but it never does and it never will. So what are you going to do about it? Here's some advice to break the cycle:
You deserve to be happy. Period. There will be someone for you in the future; you need only be patient. During this time, handle whatever it is you feel insecure about, and know that you are of unlimited value. Don't try to solve your problems through someone else. Focus on what you can control and don't worry about what you can't. If someone doesn't share the same feelings for you, respectfully move on. It isn't worth wasting time over what could be.There's so much more to life than sitting, waiting and wishing.
