Marching band is a cult. It's a place where people get together, travel in large groups and occasionally move in geometric patterns on a field. The people who participate in marching band tend to have strong emotional bonds with each other, which inevitably results in everyone walking together, claiming to be a "family" or "siblings." Weird, right? Go figure that there's a group of people who aren't hellbent on tearing each other down. Well, anyway, here's a list of five reasons you definitely should not join marching band.
1. It teaches you time management.
Who doesn't like a good procrastination session? There's nothing like waiting until the absolute last second to do something. Band teaches you how to get things done in advance. You learn how to prioritize and work quickly and efficiently. But who would want that, am I right?
2. It emphasizes the arts.
Everyone hold onto your hats here, but the arts are...*gasp* IMPORTANT! Without music, art and dance, society and life are bland. The arts give flavor to life. Music in particular teaches you how to be expressive and mathematical. How many eighth notes fit into a sixteenth note? That's a math question, friends. But hey, who likes math anyway?
3. You make friends.
This might be the biggest shock of all. People view band kids as bunch of nerds in uniforms who run around losing valve caps and hitting each other with flags. But they're actually not. Sure, all band kids tend to be kinda nerdy, but they're smart and funny. But who wants to interact with quality people?
4. You get to see some pretty cool shows.
Obviously, competitive marching bands put on shows. You get to witness other people's artistry and hard work in action. Months and months of work, preparation and practice go into seven minutes of show time. You have seven minutes to show the audience what you've worked your butt off to achieve. Sometimes it results in a win, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you hear new music and see new techniques, and other times you're singing "Welcome to the Black Parade" in the stands. But who wants camaraderie? Not me!
5. You get to finally please Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama and get active.
Marching band is an incredibly physical sport, and anyone who says otherwise has never been to band camp. You're marching around a field in the dead heat of August for upwards of three hours. Every year, I sweat off at least 5 pounds. I gain muscle definition and endurance. Usually, you move for about two hours during every rehearsal running drill, practice your work if you're in Color Guard, and perfect your marching style. But you can't watch Netflix and sit on your couch at the same time. Ugh. Never mind, don't join band. You have to move.
In all seriousness, please seriously consider joining your band. The five reasons listed above are satire in honor of marching band rehearsals beginning next Tuesday for my band. Marching band is amazing and incredibly rewarding. You gain friends, muscles and valuable life experiences you couldn't get anywhere. If that sounds like something you're interested in, then find a band and start marching. If you're ever not sure where to find them, they'll be the people who stay on the field before the sun rises and who will stay there long after it sets. Spread the marching band love!
