5 Reasons I Am Literally Mary Sanderson From "Hocus Pocus"

5 Reasons I Am Literally Mary Sanderson From "Hocus Pocus"

As a child, I laughed at the middle sister witch in "Hocus Pocus" but to my horror, I've grown up to be just like her.
527
views

"Hocus Pocus" is literally my favorite movie ever.

I love Halloween, but not for the gory, scary part (I'm a wimp and feel dizzy at just the word "blood") and definitely not the party hard, dress like a slut, get drunk part (I prefer apple cider to fireball). I love Halloween for the nostalgia - I love remembering my childhood Halloween costumes and looking at what children are into now, I love eating the candy I craved as a kid, and most of all, I love Disney Halloween movies.

I always loved Hocus Pocus most for a few reasons. First of all, as a kid, I felt scandalous watching it because they use words like "virgin" and "hell." I mean, it's practically PG-13. I loved Binx the cat, especially since my parents hate cats and never let us get one. I also loved how ridiculous, hilarious, and absolutely dumb the three Sanderson sisters, or the three witches in the film, are.

A few nights ago, I indulged my inner child by watching "Hocus Pocus", and it hit me: I grew up to be just like one of those ridiculous, silly, stupid witches. I grew up to be Mary Sanderson.

Mary is the middle sister - the one with dark hair. As I watched, I realized with complete horror that this witch, this eater of children, this lady I made fun of as a child, has several similarities to 21-year-old me.

1. She is obsessed with television.

While in some weird guy's house on Halloween, the Sanderson sisters experience TV for the first time. The other two sisters don't really care about it, but Mary is fascinated. She flips through the channels staring at that TV like a kid in a candy store... Or me when new episodes of "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" appear on Netflix. She doesn't want to get up and leave the house all because she's glued to the TV, nevermind the fact that if the sisters don't hurry, they'll turn to dust and DIE. But the TV is more important than that. My dorm could be on fire, but if I'm on my third episode of "Gilmore Girls", I probably wouldn't even notice. I'm like Mary the way I love TV, and it's slightly embarrassing. But only slightly.

2. She doesn't know how to use a vacuum or a frying pan.

Mary mistakenly uses a vacuum as a broomstick to ride on. I am terrible with a vacuum. In fact, I am terrible with all household appliances and cleaning tools; check out my disgustingly messy dorm room. She also uses a frying pan as a weapon. I do not know how to use a frying pan. I do not know how to turn on an oven. Basically, in home situations, I am useless, just like Mary.

3. She can smell children from a mile away.

Mary's special power is that she can smell children - it's like her sixth sense. I too can sense children from far away - but not ordinary children, and not smell. I can sense when there are teenagers nearby, especially teenage hoodlum boys. Teenagers terrify me. I am an old soul, and they use words like "thot" and do "the dab" and honestly, I feel like I am on an alien planet, and I start to get dizzy. I can sense when teens are close and I avoid them at all costs.

4. She really doesn't know how to smile and isn't photogenic.

Mary's smile is all crooked and weird, like she doesn't know what she's doing. This is me anytime I go to take a picture. I have no clue what I'm doing. How big should I smile? Teeth or no teeth? Should my muscles really hurt this much? Mary and I are both pretty clueless on how to make ourselves look friendly and approachable.

5. She's the awkward one of the group.

The three sisters jump on stage to do a performance. The redhead is the singer, the blonde is the pretty, seductive dancer, and Mary is... Mary. She really has no clue what's she's doing on stage. She can't dance, she can't sing, she really doesn't have it all going on the way the other two do. So she just kinda awkwardly moves around next to her sisters. This is me whenever I'm out with my friends. They talk to boys, dance perfectly, just basically act like normal social people...while I kind of flub around next to them like a 12-year-old tag along sister who really doesn't belong. It's fine, though, because like Mary, I rock my awkwardness with pride.


So, there you have it, folks! As a child, I laughed and poked fun at silly Mary Sanderson, the awkward middle child Sanderson sister. Little did I know, I'd grow up to be her. But it's okay, because really, who wouldn't want to be such a funny, adorable witch?

Cover Image Credit: GIFs and Things

Popular Right Now

8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
75902
views

Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 TV Shows You Need To Watch On Hulu

Hulu is slept on

6
views

I have recently moved to watch shows and movies on Hulu and Netflix. Hulu has a lot of great shows and movies to offer that aren't on Netflix. While Netflix is still great, Hulu is definitely starting to grow on me. Here are some shows that I have watched or have started watching on Hulu that I think are pretty great!

1. 11.22.63

farm2.staticflickr.com

If you love James Franco and Stephen King, you'll love this show. The first episode is a bit long, but all the other episodes are only 45 minutes. The plot line is pretty interesting. I also like that it doesn't tell you everything, it shows it to you and you piece things together.

2. The Act

The fact that this show is based on a true story is just insane. The acting is really great, especially if you watch actual videos of Gypsy, Joey King does a great job.

3. Castle Rock

Another Stephen King masterpiece. This show is riveting and really makes you think about what the truth is in the context of the story, and brings in some ethical questions.

4. Future Man

I've only recently started this but it's pretty interesting and funny.

5. The O.C.

The O.C. (TV Series 2003–2007) - IMDb

www.imdb.com

This show was great. Sometimes it was a bit annoying, but it is a classic show from the early 2000s. You really become invested in all the characters and your opinion may change on some characters because they grow and develop throughout the show.

6. The Handmaid's Tale

If you've read the book, you should definitely watch the show.

7. Obsession: Dark Desires

https://www.hulu.com/

I just love true crime stories and this really dives deep into crime stories and the darkest parts of humanity.

8. Intervention

This show can be really sad or frustrating, but I think it's good for people to see the reality of addiction.

9. Smallville

Smallville (2001-2011)

www.imdb.com

I also started this one very recently and I've always wanted to watch it. It can be cheesy but it's pretty entertaining.

10. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

upload.wikimedia.org

This is a great show if you want to laugh. I love all of the characters and everything they bring to the table.

Related Content

Facebook Comments