No movie is perfect, and not all movies can be considered “good.” Take this moment to think about your favorite movie. Once you have it in your mind, take that movie through the list below and to see if it can be truly considered good.
1. Adolf Hitler would have liked it.
Whenever you watch an enjoyable film, it is always important to imagine what type of historical figure would also have liked it had that film existed during their lifetime. If you liked that movie, there’s a good chance that Hitler would have liked it too. And you don’t want to enjoy what Hitler would have liked. In the highly likely case that you do, it is important to make sure you don’t decide to invade Poland.
2. The cast is not diverse enough.
Diversity in movies is always a great concern to moviegoers, and consequently of great priority to directors. The call for diversity has grown in volume during the 21st century, and films of today usually possess far more diverse casts in comparison to the heavily whitewashed movies of the past. However, despite all of these recent, progressive innovations, there remains one thing that you truly have to consider in evaluating your favorite movie: whether the film contains a lobster. The chances are that your favorite movie does not have one in its cast. Many people treat the lobster as an empty husk of a thing, whose only purpose in life is to be buttered up and treated as food. But what many should realize is that lobsters have a life of their own and that they can dream. People must realize that such beings can be actors also.
3. Someone else probably likes it too.
Sometimes, good movies are the ones that only you know about. In the face of an ever-evolving hipster culture, underground movies are all the rage these days- it's cool to be above popular culture. There is a reason why mainstream movies generate so much hate and criticism, despite the fact that many people may like it anyway. Therefore, it is preferable that you watch a film that no one else knows about. Create your own silly movie, for instance, and tell no one about it. Once someone else finds out about it, it’s all over. They will enjoy it as well, subsequently ruining any gratification you had for the same movie, and you no longer have a cool, good film to silently brag about.
4. It probably made money.
Within our modern capitalist society, people and corporations coexist with one another for one reason and one reason only: to make a lot of money. These entities don’t care about the quality of the media they produce, nor do they put in the effort to make a good movie unless it allows them to swim in greenbacks. So, take a short time to check out how much money your favorite film grossed at the box office. If it made a return, which it likely did, then you can be sure that it was made by the director for the purpose of profit and is thus a bad film.
5. Your movie choice probably really does suck.
Let’s be real, if your favorite movie is any of the ones listed below, you need to get better taste in movies.
Terminator Salvation
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Fantastic Four (both of them)
Anything with Tom Cruise (except for Rain Man)
Anything without Tom Hanks
The Hobbit
Battlefield Earth
Any movie that does not contain at least one dog in it
National Treasure 2
Transformers (or literally anything that Michael Bay touches)
