In this year's election, chaos has been the word most often used (don't check my facts on that, I know what I'm talking about). We've seen candidates pander, berate and call upon nature for help in winning the hearts of the American voters. It's become quite appalling, and the public is afraid of what could ensue. With the general election on the horizon, I would like to call attention to a candidate that I think is the answer we've all been looking for. A young man who is hard on tradition but open minded with others. A young man who is a foreigner, but holds the basic human principles that are required of a great leader (George Washington, Winston Churchill and Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez come to mind). A young man by the name of Bolbi Stroganovsky, from "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius". Here are five reasons why I believe he is the name you should write on your ballot come November.
1. He's honest
He confesses to the watching audience at this moment that he is, in fact, not wearing underpants. He is content with admitting this and casts his ballot. Too many politicians today have weaseled their way into power through pure dishonesty. Why not put a man who is willing to tell an entire galaxy that he is without underpants? Bolbi Stroganovsky is a man who believes in letting the truth speak for itself, whether or not the people are ready to hear it.
2. He's artistic
Many politicians nowadays lack any sort of artistic talent and this may be why their jealousy seeps into their disbanding of arts programs, deeming them "less important" than other pursuits such as calculus or algebra. Stroganovsky is a man who sees the value in arts education, even partaking in the auditions for his high school's production of "Macbeth In Space".
He sadly didn't get the lead (even though he clearly had the best audition) but made for quite a dashing villain, proving he's versatile (granted, there's no clear villain in the actual "Macbeth", but this one was in space!). Bolbi believes in education through all formats, making him the perfect candidate for all.
3. He's athletic
So many of our nation's leaders lack any endurance or are too old to engage in serious physical activity. Stroganovksy is healthy and spry, and the fastest runner in his class, as evidenced by the episode "Jimmy For President", when he first misunderstood what Principal Willoughby meant by "run".
He is a man of healthy body and mind, and believes in continuing this lifestyle into his term, should he be elected. If he were pitted against any of the candidates of this current race, the results would be too clear. We need a leader that can maintain such a physical and mental being, and the answer is in Bolbi.
4. He's inclusive
He believes in teaching tradition and including others in his passions and love. He seeks joy for others, through his famous "slap slap slap, clap clap clap" dance and should he be elected, would create a daily routine where we all join together to dance this dance. He also voted himself off in "Win, Lose, Kaboom" for the sake of his team, leading them to victory and Earth's overall safety. He is the kind of leader willing to sacrifice himself for a noble cause, unlike the cowardly men and women of today's politics.
5. He's ethical
Among his opponents, he was the only candidate for class president that didn't partake in any kind of illegal activity. His opponents resorted to bribery, blackmail, intimidation and operating a zeppelin on school grounds. Bolbi Stroganovksy knew that if he were to win, he would need to stay true to himself and his values. This is the kind of man we need leading our country. Someone who won't cater to whoever is shouting the loudest, but rather rely on the morals that he promised he would follow through on.
The current laws of this country state that the president must be at least 35 years old and born in the United States of America, two qualifications Bolbi is unable to meet. But, I believe, with ready hearts and eager voices, we can overcome this unjust system and put someone who deserves it in charge.
There are others like me, who hide in the political shadows. Look them up, they exist. And I believe that we all secretly want this man or someone like him in power. So, this is a call to action. I'll see you at the polls and remember to "slap slap slap" and "clap clap clap" every day. Godspeed, my friends.
Feminism Redefined
