Whenever we witness another mass shooting in the United States, the controversial issue of gun control is brought into the limelight. Let me set this straight, once and for all, as to why arming teachers is an amazing idea.
1. It's Donald Trump-Approved!
That alone should be enough because we all know how smart this man is. I mean, how else would he assume Presidency of the United States? It wasn't Russian interference or anything.
2. It's a mental health issue. Duh!
Of course, it's a mental health issue, and even though guns are giving terrorists who demonstrated signs of mental disorders easy access to assault weapons, how about we cut the Medicaid budget instead? You know, the single largest payer for mental health services in the United States.
3. Our teachers want to become trained gunmen!
Trump suggested "concealed guns to gun adept teachers with military or special training experience," through his favorite social media platform Twitter.
Think about it - if you decide that you want to work within the education industry and teach in schools, you'll probably also get to own your very own AR-15 because that makes sense. Teachers and students alike have expressed their opinion with the #ArmMeWith movement. They definitely want guns, of all things, right?
4. It's going to cost us millions and we surely have money to blow.
After a devastating tragedy at Stoneman Douglas, the Florida House Appropriations Committee approved a bill to counteract school shootings. This includes a $67 million program which will reportedly cover the costs of background checks, drug testing, psychological exams and countless hours of training. This is for one state alone.
It's not like we are $20 trillion dollars in debt. I mean, I much rather spend that money on guns for schools rather than - oh, I don't know - basic necessities for education like paper, ink, pencils, textbooks, computers or anything like that.
5. Turning schools into a maximum-security prison will ensure the safety of everyone!
Unfortunately, mass shootings happen everywhere — concerts, movie theaters, schools, malls, neighborhoods. And even though the only commonality they share is the use of rifles with firepower normally used by infantry troops, let's avoid the problem altogether and come up with any other palpable excuse.
We want metal detectors, a no-backpack policy, electric fence, bulletproof glass, steel doors! Wait, what if we get rid of schools altogether?
Just don't take our guns away, but you can take the lives of countless innocent human beings.
(Oh, yeah, this is sarcasm.)