Every year when it rolls around in mid-October, cuffing season hits a specific group of people like a slap in the face…the single ones.
Relationships begin as the warm weather ends because everyone wants someone to cozy up with by the fireplace as if the literal inferno wasn’t hot enough. Some people do it for the sex, some for the companionship, and some for the actual right reasons. Some simply fall in love at the right, most Instagram-ly perfect time.
This time of year, even the most secure people feel a twinge of loneliness during cuffing season, and it reminds them of how it felt to be in love.
For me, this time of year reminds me of breakups. Every relationship I have ever had has seemed to begin during cuffing season, and some even ending around the same time.
In other words, this so-called cuffing season reminds me of being dumped.
For most, breakups are bad memories, but none exist without the lessons that surely follow. However, what many people don’t realize is that being dumped gives you an edge in the dating game, or more specifically, the breakup game. When you have your heart broken, it is often followed by weeks or months of rigorous soul searching and constantly asking, “Why?"
Why did it happen? Why wasn’t I enough? Why did they dump me?
But then, most of the time, you begin to slowly realize you are not the problem. For those of you that have never been dumped, take notes, because it turns out there is some rhyme to the reason of why the ‘dumpees’ like me can have an edge when it comes to romance.
1. You know what you DON'T want.
It may seem like you knew that before, but when you’re in love, you are sometimes blinded by your affection for someone that you subconsciously ignore their flaws. Flaws could be anything from moodiness, short tempers, bad manners, and being ignored to bad fashion sense and the way they shake their foot at the dinner table. But when you are broken up with, it is much easier to find the qualities in someone that you were not so compatible with and don’t want in a next partner. In other words, you quickly realize while there were many reasons you loved them, there were also many reasons they sucked.
2. Freedom, after being in a relationship, is essential--even if you didn't think it was.
Even in the healthiest, most emotionally sound relationships, independence can be hard to find. Being alone and having the freedom to do whatever you want is a vital gift that everyone needs, but not all realize they do until it’s too late. For me, I never realized how much I was missing until I was forced to be alone.
3. You can identify your personal flaws.
Being dumped is not all about hating the other person. Sometimes, you’re in the wrong, too (I’m not going to sugar coat it, there has to be a reason you got dumped in the first place). No one is perfect, and sometimes being broken up with can make you realize what you were doing wrong in the relationship, where you were holding yourself or your partner back, and leave you better for a healthier, more fulfilling experience next time. Break ups are the biggest trigger for a big dose of self love, something we all need.
4. You really get to know yourself.
For me, I didn’t discover my true passions for other things until the passion of love was out of my life. Sometimes relationships can distract us from hobbies or other things we enjoy because we are so captivated by and attentive to another human being. When someone lets go of you, you find a determination to become everything you have ever wanted to be and to ensure that you never let go of yourself again. It makes you want to stick a finger in the air and say, "Look how good being alone looks on me." It also makes you understand that next time you're in a relationship, keeping tabs on everything that makes you you is essential. And a lot of times, relationships can make you forget that the most important relationship you have is with yourself.
So you work on that relationship. You become everything you want, and unbecome everything you don't want because you have no one to please anymore. Being alone makes you realize how important it is to like the person that you are because that is the only relationship that lasts forever. Make sure that your next partner loves every part of you, because when it comes to relationships, you can pick and you can choose, but you can't pick and choose...so never compromise yourself.
And finally, the most important one, the big doozy. The lesson that is the biggest lesson of them all. The lesson you thought only your mom believed in or existed in romantic comedies:
