The leaves are changing, the pumpkin spice is returning, and school is back in session. Which means that group projects are making their dreaded but inevitable comeback.
I can appreciate group projects and their place in some class assignments. It teaches you how to cooperate with different people towards a common goal, which is a skill you'll most likely need later in your professional life.
Despite this, group projects usually just suck. Plain and simple. Most of the time, you spend the entirety of the project wishing you could just do it all yourself. Sometimes you end up being the person that does do it all themselves, thanks to some deadbeat members.
So, like Mitch Albom's popular novel The Five People You Meet In Heaven, here are the five people you meet in group projects. Alternatively called The Five People You Meet In Hell. Because that's what group projects are.
1. The Bossy Member.
This person forcibly tries to dominate every conversation topic. They just have to voice their opinion, which more often than not nay-says everyone else's, because their way is the best way. They'll get nitpicky, controlling, and ruin the entire synergy and morale of the group. Most of the effort from other group members is spent trying to wriggle out from this person's grasp.
2. The Go-Getter Member.
The person who's actually excited about the work they're doing. They're kind of rare, because a lot of groups are just a clump of students hesitantly thrown together who couldn't care less about their presentation topic. This person readily researches, volunteers to do slides, notecards, and sends cheery smiley reminders in the group text. They want the A, and they're thrilled about the journey to get to it.
3. The Deadbeat Member.
This is the person that you see sleeping through class...that is, when they bother to show up at all. They're by far the least enthusiastic, never contribute anything to the plans, and don't do any work. Sometimes they skip group meetings entirely. They're the person that you need to pull aside the professor for and let them know that they deserve exactly 0% of your final grade.
4. The Minimal-Effort Member.
The minimal-effort member is someone who spends most of group meetings texting, sighing, looking disinterested, and only under great duress will throw out an idea or any sort of worthwhile participation. They also usually make an excuse to miss group meetings, arrive late, or leave early. "Oh my gosh guys soooooo sorry, I have to grab dinner with my friend because I'm starving. We'll just pick this up next week, right? Byeeeee!"
5. The How-Did-I-Get-Stuck-With-These-People Member.
Someone who's just trying to do a good job on the project, make each meeting effective, and hopes that the others in the group don't ruin the chances of getting a good grade. When they're not actually trying to, you know, work on the project, they just stare around at the other members in amazement like WTF?
Honestly, you probably have more chances of getting hit by a bus Regina George-style than being thrown together with perfect group members in your lifetime. In my 21 years and however many grades of schooling I've been through, I've never been in a group that's worked together 100% effectively. Hopefully, though, you can get lucky enough to evade the extremes of most of these people and get through a group project with your sanity intact.
But it's pretty unlikely.
