5 Jaw-Dropping Shark Movies Guaranteed to Change Your Life
Start writing a post

5 Jaw-Dropping Shark Movies Guaranteed to Change Your Life

Whether you're science fiction trash, have zero standards and will watch just about everything, or a bad movie connoisseur/riffer, these films will abhor you in The most delightful ways.

5 Jaw-Dropping Shark Movies Guaranteed to Change Your Life

Bad science fiction movies typically share common features: love interests with little to no chemistry, a crappy CGI monster, fancy weapons, nauseating camera angles, actors you never heard of and actors who used to be popular and still need to feed their families? Uh. And angry military personnel, hot scientists, plot holes that could sink a cruise liner, goofy sidekicks, cultural appropriation, and illogically scantily clad female characters. And nowadays, Sharks!

As a fan of terrible scifi movies and sharks, I feel obligated to pass unto you my top 5 list of amazingly bad shark films.

1. Sharknado 1-4.

Featuring Ian Ziering and Tara Reid in the greatest roles of their careers, the Sharknado movies are a masterful compilation of every single bad scifi movie trope you could imagine. Some personal highlights; Mark Cuban as president of the United States, All the Shark Tank cameos, a rotating cast of new family members each film, real newscasters such as Al Roker commentating on the Sharknado and managing not to laugh, and of course David Hasslehoff.

Sharks and tornados. Tornados and sharks. Don't forget minor character death followed by 2 second grieving periods, Star Wars references, chainsaws for hands, completely impossible shark physics, soap opera level family drama, and more!

I watched all four in a row and highly recommend it. Definitely bring lots of snacks and leave your expectations at the door.

2. Sharktopus.

Listen, friend. This film has the greatest death scenes of all time. From a bungee jumping couple to hapless sailor who dies with the affect of a constipated Lima bean, this shark fest has got it all. Half shark, half octopus, all terror. Eric Roberts stars as the scientist behind Sharktopus. Good job Eric.

I have found that there is little in this life more enjoyable than watching Sharktopus attempt to walk on dry land. Whether he's stabbing people with the sharp tips of his tentacles, making roaring noises that sharks simply don't make, or chewing on the innocent, Sharktopus is sure to fulfill your movie going expectations provided you have none.

3. Sharktopus vs Whale Wolf.

I was delighted to discover that the epic tales of an aquatic military weapon aka sharktopus gone rogue continue! There is an actual Sharktopus Series! For no reason at all, sharktopus makes it to the shores of the Dominican Republic, terrorizing a boat-bound funeral party. Yes you read that right. But Sharktopus is not alone. In a whirlwind of German accents, scantily clad nurses, an ex baseball star, and whale DNA splicing, Whale Wolf is born. More of a sad dog with whale parts and a heart of gold, (and murder), Whale Wolf will leap into your heart and also your internal organs. With dizzying camera angles, actual God Damn voodoo dolls, and a romantic subplot that no one cares about, Sharktopus vs WhaleWolf is the best syfy monster mash up movie of, quite possibly, all time. (Sharktopus vs Pteracuda is next up on my watching list.)

4. Avalanche Shark.

Unfortunately, there is no avalanche of sharks raining down upon innocent skiers. But, Avalanche Shark more than compensates for its misleading title. With absolutely no explanation, sharks rise out of the snow at a haunted? Ski resort which is hosting a plethora of idiotic, sexed up spring breakers. If you're an irrationally scantily clad skier, prepare to be snapped up in the jaws of an Avalanche Shark who will somehow manage to turn you to crappy blood speckles with one chomp. Hot tub shark attacks, that creepy couple with an age gap that could span the Brooklyn Bridge, a crazy dude who knows all about the "Skookum," terrible sex scenes left and right followed by terrible, terrible pick up lines in the ski lift of the damned, and more await you!

5. Three Headed Shark Attack.

More Heads, more deads! When a tag line makes up a word, you know you're in for a treat. This movie is pretty much the Titanic if the Titanic was a shitty party cruise captained by Rob Van Dam and the iceberg was a three headed shark. Featuring Danny Trejo as a determined fisherman who does indeed fulfill all of our hopes and dreams by taking on the shark with a machete, multitudes of minor characters with zero, or maybe even negative one character development, magically horrendous death scenes, this movie has it all. In trying to take it's terribly CGI rendered mutant shark too seriously, this movie goes even better with friends who know how to riff the stuffing out of terrible films.

(In fact don't watch this without friends.)

Also pairs nicely with the Rifftrax for Jaws.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Golden retriever sat on the sand with ocean in the background
Photo by Justin Aikin on Unsplash

Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore my dog. I am constantly talking about my love for her. I attribute many of my dog's amazing qualities to her breed. She is a purebred Golden Retriever, and because of this I am a self-proclaimed expert on why these are the best pets a family could have. Here are 11 reasons why Goldens are the undisputed best dog breed in the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

Boyfriend's Christmas Wishlist: 23 Best Gift Ideas for Her

Here are the gifts I would like to ask my boyfriend for to make this season unforgettable.

Young woman opening a Christmas gift

Recently, an article on Total Sorority Move called 23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas, was going around on social media. I hope the author of this was kidding or using digital sarcasm, but I am still repulsed and shocked by the lack of appreciation throughout this article. I would like to represent the girlfriends out there who disagree with her standpoint -- the girlfriends who would be more than happy to receive any of these gifts from their boyfriends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Two teenage girls smiling

The 2000s were a time that many young adults today can look back on, joyfully reminisce and somewhat cringe at the trends and the fads that we all used to love and adore. Here's a list of things from the golden 2000s that will have one feeling nostalgic about all of those times.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

7 Types Of Students You Will Meet In College

You wish you could be #5, but you know you're probably a #6.

cool group of lazy college students in class

There are thousands of universities around the world, and each school boasts its own traditions and slogans. Some schools pride themselves on sports, while others emphasize their research facilities. While there is a myriad of differences among each and every school, there will always these seven types of students in class.

Keep Reading...Show less
woman in white tank top and orange jacket holding a bible
Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash

Life is hard. There is no surprise there. It’s confusing and scary and hectic, but there are some amazing qualities, too. Sometimes you feel alone and don’t know what to do. School gets in the way of what you want to do or you’re dropping friends you thought you trusted. Everyone has their moments. Everyone has felt in the lowest place and couldn’t find the strength to get back up. But I want to help with that. Here are 10 Bible verses I hope will brighten your day, or at least make you feel stronger and happier.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments