I've been studying abroad now for 15 weeks in Costa Rica, which roughly equates to 4 months. It's been a wild journey and I don't regret a minute of it, but with it comes a lot of new complications to life. It's sort of like every place I go, whether it was a great experience or a not so great experience, a little piece of me stayed behind. It's hard to put it into words, but I feel like I'm torn to be multiple places at once all of the time. No matter where I go, I leave someone behind that I love. With that being said, I need time to process and I also need people to understand some of the things I'm feeling, because it's an experience very few of us get and mine is unique to everyone else's. With that being said, here are the emotions I feel right before returning home from study abroad.
1. Fear
I'm comfortable here now. I want to go home, but I also know home changed without me, and I have to relearn some things again. I'm used to eating a certain type of food, and the roadways looking a little different than the States and I have to go through culture shock all over again. It's scary to relearn what I am expected to already know because I've gotten into a rhythm of life that is different, and now I'm expected to get back into the swing of things as they were.
2. Sadness
I had three host families while here, in three different cultures, Costa Rican, Nicaraguan, and BriBri (indigenous). Each of them were different and I loved them all. Now I have to leave them and that sucks. It hurts. It's leaving your family. I have to leave a land I grew to love and became familiar with. Of course I'm happy to see those I love back in the States, but it's not without tears I leave those who loved me and who I loved while here.
3. Loneliness
This is the point where I realize that no one else, even those in my group, had the experience I did. I lived in a unique family with a unique situation and everyone else had something different to them. No one at home quite gets it, although some will more than others, and on top of it I now have the knowledge of a second language that I can't speak with very many at home. It's a lonely place to be, albeit rewarding and enriching.
4. Joy
While I've mentioned a lot of negative or not so fun emotions, joy is something I feel too. I learned so much and now understand so many more perspectives. I made amazing relationships with some amazing people and I now have three new moms, five new siblings, and a ton of cool new aunts, uncles, and cousins thanks to study abroad. That's so cool and that's the greatest part of this experience.
5. Confusion
A lot went on in the past four months. A lot has changed and it's certainly not sorted out yet. Now I have to return to the United States and try to articulate my experience to the many eager people who want to hear all about it. I'll have to disappoint some as my experience wasn't jam packed with adventure and endless fun, but I'll also have to tell them how I felt, and in some ways I don't know if I can quite do that. So much is unique to the experience that it's all kind of a mess. There needs to be a time to process and in many ways, if you are reading this and have a loved one who just was abroad, give them that space because they'll need it.
