I remember the day my mom told me that she had never believed in love at first sight until she had kids. (Being the last born I have some queries about this, but that’s for another day). It stuck with me, but so has just about every bit of advice my mom has bestowed upon me.
About a month ago I fell upon a list I had crafted when I was 17: “Things I want my daughter to know.” Three years and few women’s and gender studies classes later, I added a few more to a list, stole a few tips from my mom, and hope to one day (one day very far from now) share with my daughter.
These are the things I want my daughter to know:
1. Always ask. If the answer is no, at least you will know you did everything you could.
2. Having your toenails painted makes it look like you've got your shit together, even if you don't .
3. Sometimes we forget to brush our teeth at sleepovers and that’s okay.
4. It may seem like the end of the world right now, but in a month it won't be a big deal.
5. Always offer to help when you are a guest at someone’s house.
6. Never turn down an opportunity to get dressed up.
7. Sunscreen is your friend, your very dear friend.
8. Finding jeans that fit perfectly isn't impossible, it's just really, really hard.
9. When you find the right pair, buy in bulk.
10. A day without deodorant is a day where you don't raise your hand in class.
11. Trust that my decisions are made because I love you, not to hurt you, or keep you from having fun (credit to my mama for this one).
12. Braces, retainer, headgear ... I don't care, smile with your teeth.
13. Lying is the worst thing you can do, so avoid it at all costs. (Trust me I learned my lesson––well, lessons.)
14. Set your expectations and standards high. If people don't meet them, they don't deserve to be around you.
15. If you know that you love someone more than they love you, let them go no matter how much it hurts.
16. Always say please and thank you, to everyone.
17. It's okay to have your wedding planned even if you aren't dating anyone. (Shout out to Pinterest).
18. Naps are a blessing and a curse.
19. Tip well for good customer service.
20. When life gives you karaoke, sing Beyoncé.
21. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
22. Never wear pocketless jeans.
23. Don't be more than three minutes past curfew.
24. Don't take advantage of people who trust you to do the right thing.
25. Never sleep with makeup on.
26. Drink lots of water.
27. You will always be enough and you will always be worthy of love.
28. A few great friends is better than many average friends.
29. Get rid of your stuffed animals by 16.
30. Always have a pen in your purse.
31. Do something when you see it needs to be done. Don't wait until I ask you. (I might as well just quote my mom on this one.)
32. Accept that being alone is 100% okay.
33. You do not need another person to define you.
34. Don't be afraid to make the first move.
35. Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.
36. When you love someone, tell them often.
37. You are never too good for anyone.
38. Always have nail polish remover on hand.
39. Embrace a good cry.
40. Call your grandparents.
41. Talk to me about anything. I am more understanding than you think.
42. Work hard for what you want.
43. Only good things can happen when you go outside your comfort zone.
45. Find what empowers you and use it to empower others.
46. Own your opinion, defend it, and respect those of others.
47. When you become of age, vote!
48. Don’t forget to “treat yo’self.”
49. You are intelligent, you are talented, and you are strong, but most importantly, you are loved.
It’s short and sweet, but a list that could go on forever. I have more than enough time to keep adding––don't worry, Mom.
