Hi, Fisty McFuckins here with another super 2legit2quit list of shit. Have you ever read a fact and just went, "Oh." Well, I guarantee you at least some of these facts will at least make you inhale a little bit.
- “SEMO” spelled backwards is “Racecar.”
- President Vargas is actually just two toddlers stacked on top of each other.
- A few famous people have attended SEMO, like Cedric the Entertainer, Rush Limbaugh, Madonna, Kurt Cobain impressionist Kurt Kobain, and former United States President Martin Van Buren.
- Starbucks used to be The Beanery, and before that, it was a dope skate park.
- There is not a single word in the Arabic dictionary that rhymes with SEMO.
- Ted Cruz visited SEMO, and we have since recovered.
- Every year on November 5th, a mysterious stranger in a Guy Fawkes mask stands on the fountain outside Kent Library and goes, “HEY, LOOK AT ME. PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?”
- SEMO stands for “Say, Everyone Makes Oranges,” or some dumb shit.
- This is the third consecutive time I’ve used this format and you’re still reading it.
- If you took the names of every single building on SEMO campus and put them in the right order, it would just be a bunch of dead people’s last names.
- Statistics show that most people who graduate from SEMO are somehow more successful than you.
- SEMO’s motto is “What high school did you go to?”
- Grill Nation isn’t real.
- Parking on SEMO campus is illegal.
- If you say “Trench Coat Guy” in the mirror three times, you’re still ugly.
- Also, Trench Coat Guy will appear and super kill you.
- Whatever happened to Unicycle Guy?
- SEMO is experiencing a severe meme shortage.
- There are so many hills on campus because of the local population of radioactive moles.
- Cardiac Hill is just a coverup for a top-secret underground bunker.
- If you’re a freshman at SEMO, I’m sorry.
- If you’re a senior at SEMO, you should be sorry.
- SEMO’s mascot, Rowdy RedHawk, is inspired by a character from Cold War era communist propaganda.
- Something about Twenty One Pilots.
- It is a SEMO tradition to hold someone down and force feed them Imo’s if they’ve never had it.
- I write lists because I’m too lazy and unoriginal to write real articles.
- Your cool professor doesn’t actually like you.
- The bookstore sells heroin. Just ask!
- SEMO is the only college.
- The dome of Academic Hall is where we resurrect our fallen.
- Celebrity Chef got replaced with Sono’s because the Mexicans are stealing our jobs.
- These aren’t facts.
- [REDACTED]
- Gum Tree marks the spot where Old Man Wilson was buried.
- The art department isn’t severely underfunded at all, and everyone thinks that painting you’re working on is super dope.
- SEMO students can’t feel pain.
- You can draw a swastika on any surface on campus and Facilities Management will get rid of it for you.
- Studies show that students in SEMO’s math department are huge fucking nerds.
- If you were to take every member of the RedHawks football team and lay them end to end, it would be a huge waste of practice time.
- If you were to do the same thing with SEMO’s volleyball team, no one would watch.
- SEMO’s Greek students are immune to accountability.
