So, you have a friend who has just lost someone. You want to show your friend that you care, but you can’t figure out how to do it. The reality is, there’s not a lot you can do - but there are a few key actions you can take that will be a good start.

SEE ALSO: What You Learn After Losing A Parent At A Young Age

Now, I’m not just some random person writing about this. Let me tell you a little bit about myself.

October 27, 2014. That was the day my father passed away unexpectedly. It turned out that there had been a complication with a heart surgery he had the month before that was supposed to help with his Atrial Fibrillation. The surgery caused an infection that spread throughout his whole body, eventually causing it to shut down.

2 ½ years have passed since that day, and I’ve learned a lot. One of the worst parts about losing someone is the feeling that comes with it – loneliness. You begin to realize that no one truly understands what you’re going through. No two losses are the same, and no two people grieve the same way.

When my father passed away, it was difficult for people, especially my friends, to know how to react. Although this is understandable, it’s important for people to understand the basics of being there for a friend who has experienced loss. Here are my tips for all those who want to support a grieving friend:

1. Say you’ll be there – and mean it

In the face of tragedy, people offer support by saying “I’m here if you need anything.” While that is a great thing to say, actions speak louder than words. In my experience, I’ve realized that only about 5% of the people who say this actually mean it. That’s why the most important thing you can do is to set yourself apart – when you say you’ll be there, be there.

In high school, I had three really close friends. I was closest with one of them – she was always there for me, and that’s why it was no surprise when she, along with the rest of her family, went to my father’s funeral and offered to help out in any way they could. My other two “best friends,” though, did not even show up. To be fair, one told me she had a prior commitment and couldn’t make it. However, the other had no excuse. That really opened my eyes and showed me who my real friends were – I will never forget the sadness, and even anger, that I felt when my “best friends” weren’t there. Don’t be like them.

2. Continue to check in

Don’t just send one “I’m sorry for your loss” text and leave it at that. If you and your friend are close, make sure you periodically call, text or make plans to get together. When tragedy hits, everyone will send a text or maybe even call, but it’s the days, weeks and even months following the loss that can be the hardest. Make sure your friend knows you’re thinking about him or her and that you really do care.

3. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen

No one likes talking about death. The worst thing you can do, though, is to avoid the subject altogether. The loss that your friend suffered changed his or her life forever; it is probably the most difficult thing your friend has ever been through. Acknowledge this fact and be willing to talk about the loss. Chances are, you’re only making the situation more uncomfortable by avoiding the subject.

Sometimes, people ask me what my Lats Legacy Foundation bracelet that I wear every day is for. I explain what it is - my family has a foundation that provides scholarships to USC baseball players who embody the characteristics that my dad had when he played baseball at USC, and we created this to honor my father when he passed away a few years ago. Some people become very uncomfortable when I say this; most of them just say “that’s really cool” and move on. Even if they might want to hear more about the foundation, they are immediately thrown off by the mention of my father passing away. Rather than reacting that way, ask questions and show that you’re interested. If you immediately shy away, you’re only making it more uncomfortable for both parties.

4. If you still don’t know what to do, ask

Of course, you can’t change what happened. You can, however, find out what you, personally, can do to lift your friend’s spirits. The best way to find this out is to ask. Don’t simply say “how can I help?” but be specific – ask your friend if he or she wants someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on or a friend to go an adventure with to take his or her mind off the situation. Everyone grieves differently. It’s all about finding out what your friend needs, and often times the best way to do this is to ask.

Here’s the bottom line: you don’t have to understand what your friend is going through in order to be there for him or her. You just have to care. Keep these points in mind, and you’ll be okay. Your friend will, too.

Sincerely,