There are many ways that we can show love to one another. Whether it is with a hug or a kiss, flowers, taking out the trash, or actually saying the words themselves. But for some individuals there is no greater act of love than time spent. Marriage counselor Gary Chapman developed The 5 Love Languages in the '90s. Chapman states that there are 5 primary ways that we show and reciprocate love to those that we care about; words of affirmation, acts of service, touch, gifts, and quality time. The love languages can be applied in any type of love (romantic, platonic, family, etc.) and to ANYONE that we love.
Each person has a primary love language that they use to communicate love. The problem is, if you speak a different love language (i.e. your language is gifts and theirs is quality time) you will be communicating in your language instead of translating to theirs; ergo not reciprocating the love and affection that that person needs. We need to learn to adapt and speak the love language of those we love.
You can take the love languages test here to see what language you speak.
For those whose love language is quality time, there needs can be pretty simple. They value the time spent over anything else. There is no greater act of love than having someone give them their time and attention. They don't care about flowers or hand-holding or even the actual words of love. they show love in time.
If there is someone you love whose love language is time, then here are 4 easy ways that you can show love in a way that speaks to them.
1. Activities, events, and doing literally anything together.
It doesn't matter the activity, as long as you do it together. All they want is to spend time with you. That is all. you could be going to three-course dinner at a Chuck-e-Cheese for all they care. as long as you are together they don't really seem to care.
2. Actually answering your calls and texts
Communication is key whether your love language is quality time or not. The person just wants to know that you care. The text message that is marked "read yesterday" without any response is a bit annoying, to say the least. Just take the two seconds to reply or call back. It is 2017. You have the time to do this.
3. Active Listening
Sometimes people just need to vent. They need to be able to openly talk about our problems at either work, school, etc. and actually feel like we're being heard. There is no need for any unsolicited advice or blankly staring away into the abyss. Just sit down, listen to what we are saying, no matter how boring, and and give some reassurance. For those who speak quality time, it is all about communication and just having someone to talk and listen to.
4. The 15 Minutes a Day
This is sort of a sub-category of active listening. However, Chapman describes this exercise as a way to use active listening in a practical way. The objective is to give your 100%, undivided attention to the person for at least 15 minutes a day. You would have to limit your distractions- television, phones, books, and anything that could take your attention away from that person. This can mean many things; cooking a meal together, gardening, having dinner or just sitting down with one another and talk about your day. The main point of this is to focus on the person and give them your attention.
There are many ways we express love. Our first instinct is to speak the love language that we speak, when in fact, that is never the case. People are come in different shapes and sizes and will want to be loved in the way that makes sense to them. If you have the time read any one of the love languages books by Gary Chapman. There are many versions for teens, couples, single, children, and even for co-workers. Learning to love in a different way, a way that could be understood to someone you love are care about, can make a huge impact on those around you and how to love you as well.
