I was told many times that you should never discuss politics or religion at any holiday dinner table. Well, I think that's pretty silly. Religion and politics are personal affairs, and they matter. If your conversation with another person doesn't matter, why talk?
That is not to say that it's always the right time to push conversational boundaries. Use common sense. I've gotten into my fair share of arguments about difficult subjects. Whether they're to the left of me, the right of me or somewhere out in space, it's easier than you'd think to set someone off. So, rather than not discuss the important stuff, discuss it carefully.
These are just a few of the skills that I've learned for having a conscientious disagreement:
1. Try not to use one-liners
However catchy they may be, certain slogans are inadequate. If you're an advocate of the Second Amendment, saying that "guns don't kill people; people kill people" doesn't enhance the conversation. Even if you believe in the saying, you probably understand that it's more complicated than that. Some things work well as bumper stickers, but they don't do the job in conversation. Instead of using cute one-liners to justify your opinion, really think about it. Don't use someone else's words; speak for yourself. Often, you'll realize that your opinions aren't as unyielding as you thought.
2. Let them clarify
It's too easy, and sometimes dangerous, to cut people off. Instead of assuming that you know what the person meant when he or she spoke, ask. I think that we can all agree that sometimes what we mean and what we say don't align. Maybe the person doesn't understand the connotation of a word they're using. That can easily derail a conversation and lead to insulting and unproductive discussion.
3. Consider their experiences
Opinions don't come out of nowhere. Chances are, if the person you're speaking to believes in something, it's because of the way in which they have lived. Contrasting ideologies usually aren't for the sake of being difficult. The people who hold those beliefs hold them for a reason and if you hear them out, you might realize that they're pretty justified. That doesn't mean that they're right, but it could mean that you'll begin to understand why they believe what they believe.
4. Don't try to change minds
You won't. The bottom-line is that people care about their opinions and won't reconsider them after one discussion. Values can take years to evolve, but, more importantly, you shouldn't even try to change their mind. Conversations aren't duels; you shouldn't be focused on winning or losing. The goal of a good conversation about "taboo" subjects is to better understand the person that you're talking to. Instead of teaching, try to learn.
Ultimately, any conversation can be productive if it's conducted with respect and solid guidelines. It's important to assert yourself, but also don't forget to play nice.
