When I was just 12 years old I experienced what I refer to as the worst thing that has ever happened to me. After two years of watching my mother battle with cancer, on January 25, 2009, she lost the battle which she so courageously fought. My mom was my hero, my best friend and the most important person in my life. Losing my mom was a life changing event for me because my mom and I did everything together, she even walked me to class every day up until I was in sixth grade. She was the kind of lady that no one wanted to mess with, she protected her kids and didn’t care what anyone had to say. Even with all the pain and heartbreak that comes alone with losing a parent there are a few ting you learn alone the way to being able to live without them.
1. Everyone grieves differently
I can’t stress enough how important it is to remember this. Everyone deals with loss in the own way, and it is okay to do so. When my mom died I was inconsolable for months, years even, while my sisters dealt with it differently and had already come to terms with it. Everyone has a different relationship with people as well so not everyone will share your heartbreak. Grieve in a way that makes you feel better, it’s okay to cry and be upset! Never let anyone tell you how you should feel.
2. You are going to try to blame everyone.
When my mom passed away, I blamed everyone for it. I blamed her doctors, I was convinced that there was more they could have done. I couldn’t see at that time that there was nothing they could do. I blamed my family, for not telling me sooner how sick my mom actually was. It took me years to understand why they did it, they didn’t want to take away the last year I had with her. They didn’t want that time to feel hurtful for me, they wanted me to just have fun and make the best memories with her that I could.
3. Hurt doesn’t go away overnight.
The pain you feel isn’t going to go away overnight, and unfortunately, it probably never will but you learn to deal with it. During the grieving process, you learn to turn those painful memories into beautiful times you spent with your loved one. Those times that it hurts to think about right now, that perfume you suddenly get a whiff of that brings back memories, or even that ugly Christmas sweater they got you will one day be things you hold one to and cherish. Don’t try and set a deadline for your grief, go with the flow and work through it at your own pace. No one should be rushing you.
4.Family isn’t always blood.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that family isn’t always your blood. When you lose someone like a parent, it can cause a family to drift apart, especially when not everyone shares the same grief as you. Family is someone who will sit and cry with you when you need it, who will listen to you tell the same story over and over again because it makes you feel better. My family came in the form of my best friend. Even though I didn’t meet her until I was 15 years old, she has been by my side ever since. Her family has become one of the biggest support systems I have, I know for sure they would be there for me no matter what happens. They have guided me through the start of my adult years and help me begin to come to terms with the lose I endured so many years before.
When I lost my mom, I was forced to grow up, and my childhood ended right then at the age of 12. I had to be strong for myself, and I had to learn how to deal with the massive heartache that took over my life. I write this to give other kids hope, that what they feel right now is justified. I want people to know that even though the world feels like it has stopped on its axis that it will always keep spinning. Never give up on yourself, because with everything that you are going through you’re going to come out on the other side so thankful for the memories and for the strength you’ve gained. That special loved one is always looking down on you, and just know that they are so proud.
