Three years ago the film adaption of E.L. James' book, Fifty Shades of Grey, sent many people into a box office frenzy with it's erotic storyline of a regular college graduate who engages in a sadomasochistic relationship with a mysteriously handsome yet troubled businessman. What some people may not know is that this movie trilogy originated by a fantasy of E.L. James herself. She used her imagination to write fanfiction based off Stephenie Meyer's Twilight novels and now to this day we have more of an open conversation about BDSM and most importantly, sexual fantasies in general. Though there might not be as many couples who identify themselves as legitimate members of the kink community, I do believe that most couples will at least admit to having unexplored sexual fantasies to a certain degree. Here are a quick list of sexual fantasies I personally think everyone should indulge in at some point in their sex lives:

Exhibitionism/Voyeurism/Being Watched

I can honestly say that I've engaged in all three activities before, and they're hands down at the top of my list for sexual fantasies above anything else! I lumped these three together because in a way they go hand in hand. Exhibitionism in a sexual context is the act of flashing parts of your body (breasts, butt, or genitals) to other people. For me personally, it isn't the actual flashing part that I get gratification from. I actually just enjoy people watching me while I'm naked in general, and I didn't realize it until recently. My apartment has a very nice balcony where you can practically view most of the apartment complex and at one point this past semester my roommates and I left the blinds to the balcony pushed to the side for so long that I didn't even notice anymore. Naturally when you're in your own space, you carry on your day and walk around the apartment naked. Well, one night I got a text from one of my friends as I was sitting at the dining room table saying "Lookin' good mami." I just assumed that she meant to send that to someone else and sent it to me by accident until she explained that she could see me chillin in my apartment from outside while she was walking in the direction of my apartment building. I immediately ran to the door of my balcony, pulled back the blinds, and closed them for the time being, but after giving it some thought, I actually did not mind at all that she saw me. The second sexual fantasy in this trio is voyeurism which is the act of spying on people while they engage sexual activity. I've only spied on people having sex one time during spring break in Miami, but I felt a little bad so I stopped watching after about a minute or so. While I can't say I've had much experience with voyeurism, I will say how much I get aroused by actually listening in on people have sex. Some people are more visual when it comes to sex and others are more mental, but I've always been extremely auditory. The sounds of moaning, screaming, sheets rumpling, and fluids colliding absolutely do it for me everytime. Then lastly of this sexual trio, you have the people who enjoy being the ones who are watched while doing the sexual activity. I can't say that I knew for sure whether or not I was being watched, but I have purposely left the blinds all the way up during sex just so there was that possibility that if people were walking by then they'd see me and the person I was having sex with at the time.

Power Play: Submission/Dominance

This fantasy can be, but is not limited to acting and intense role playing. For starters, I think every person should at least give the student/teacher and police officer/civilian scenario a try, and don't forget to be creative! It's okay to go to a lingerie shop and buy special outfits for the occasion in order to make it more realistic. Engaging in this type of imaginary play helps put yourself into the role you want to engaged yourself in. One person can be the submissive and docile student who desperately needs that A on their final exam for class while the teacher uses the student's desperation to their advantage in order to gratify their own sexual needs. Also, one person could be the reckless civilian who can't help the undeniable chemistry they have with the police officer who just shut their party down seconds ago. If you're not into acting and creating scenarios then simply using bondage toys (ball gag, handcuffs, paddle, riding crop, etc.) without all the other antics may be a better option. I personally love the use of bondage toys up the point that if I don't receive any bruises from them being used on me then that means they weren't being used hard enough. I've literally had instances where I've been paddled so hard that I couldn't sit down the next day without any pain, and I loved it! However, the best thing about experimenting with dominance and submission is that you can go at any pace you want, and there should never be any pressure to overdo it. My suggestion is to always come up with a safe word so that your partner knows when you've had enough because these aren't little flush toys that you play with. Most of them are made of wood, leather, and silicon so they do hurt after a while. However, they do add to the submissive and dominant fantasies.

Sex in Public

There's something very thrilling about having sex in public because there's always the thought of whether or not you'll get caught, but going for the risk anyway because you're so enthralled with your partner that you need to have them right there and right now. I haven't had much experience having sex in public, but it's definitely something I need to do more often when I get the chance. For places I haven't done in public that I suggest for my future self and others, it would most definitely in a cubicle or office for a nice business aura. I also suggest a or a park/golf course for some nice sun and scenery. You just have to make sure you don't get caught and end up registering as a sex offender. A place that I suggest that I actually have had a public sex experience in is the library. It's very underrated because a library isn't exactly where you'd expect to find someone having sex in for obvious reasons such as the fact that it's supposed to be a quiet place for reading and studying. Though, if big words and learning turns you on then I don't see why a quick study break in the stairwell, one of the private rooms, or bathroom stalls of the library wouldn't be a bad idea. There's something exhilarating about knowing you just did the nasty to gain an extra boost of energy through an orgasm only to walk out and find people chugging coffee and staring intently into the pages of their school books, trying as hard as they can to stay awake.

Mutual Masturbation

This is the only fantasy on this list that I have not personally tried to its fullest extent yet, but I would argue that it's the most important of the four. There is already a big stigma over pleasing yourself in general. It's not exactly something anyone talks about unless it's a joke about a guy beating his meat to porn or his favorite celebrity. However, I think that mutual masturbation needs to be more normalized in people's psyche, especially in the minds of heterosexual women. Masturbating in my opinion is not only a tool to reclaim our own bodies as sexually liberated creatures, but it's obvious that no one is going to know your own body more than you do. If you and your partner feel comfortable enough to try this, I think it may be a little awkward at first depending on your attitude, but I have no doubt in my mind that it can create a more intimate bond. I know it might sound weird, but it really doesn't have to be. This sexual fantasy arguably has the most variability. If you're wondering how to do it without any added pressure then you could both get high beforehand so you're more relaxed. You both could do it in the shower so you're not actually facing each other when you're doing it. The two of you could always watch porn while doing it so that you have a visual stimulant to help you out. It doesn't even have to be a means to an end kind of thing where that's the only thing you two do. You could use that as the foreplay before actually having sex. Lastly, you could always go for the direct approach and just masturbate in front of each other so you can show your partner exactly how you get yourself off.

In conclusion, in a psychological sense, fantasy stems from certain aspects of the mind whether it be conscious or the parts that lie deep within subliminally. Therefore, you may have fantasies about things that you're not even sure why you'd be aroused by, but that is no reason to feel any shame. As long as everything you do is clearly communicated and consensual then sexual fantasies should know no boundaries.