It has happened thousands of times. We have either done it, or have been on the receiving end of it. The texting gets longer and more frequent, the Snapchats come more often, the Facebook conversations happen later into the night and then BAM! – the never popular, “Do you want to get coffee sometime?”
No. I do not.
And here is why:
1. You just played your Ace. By asking me this question, you just showed me all your cards. You may be thinking, “Man, she is going to love that I am so chill. Just trying to get to know her. No pressure, right?” But I am actually thinking, “Oh my God, he has no guts.”
If you cannot ask me, “Will you go on a date with me?”, pick me up from my house, take me to dinner, pay for dinner, and treat me like someone you are actually interested in, then I am not interested. Your coffee cop-out has me believing you don’t have the cahonas to ask the hard questions, you are not interested in intentional relationships, and you have no guts to go the extra mile. I see all of your cards, and I am heading for the door.
2. I will not be GiGi. You know that movie He’s Just Not that into You? Ginnifer Goodwin plays a character named GiGi who is incredibly socially awkward and hungry for any date she can get. Gigi willingly puts herself in situations where she comes out looking stupid, desperate and un-dateable.
When I go to coffee with you, I am sitting there, pretending to listen, but really wondering, “Okay, is this a date? Maybe. Well, actually maybe not.... I wonder if he thinks it is. Does he think it is?” It causes unnecessary inner turmoil that I would much rather avoid. So, I will choose to wait for someone who knows what a real date looks like.
3. Nobody got time for that. Sounds harsh, but it is true. I am all about intentional relationships – I make time for intentional relationships. But I do not have time to go to coffee with someone that is just trying to “feel me out.” You asking me to coffee is a sure sign of your level of un-intentionality – and I will do all I can to avoid it. You meet me for coffee to put me on trial and ask me about myself, and my job, and my taste in music to see if we are a match, and then you decide if I get to be asked on a real date? Nuh-uh.
4. I make better lattes at home. This one is pretty self-explanatory, and true.
Gentlemen, do us a favor and gather your guts. There is no harm in a casual date, and there is no harm in actually asking for one. I would rather go on one real date than twenty kinda-dates.
And I promise you, I am not the only one. I have seen girls beginning to settle for these half-dates because we aer starting to believe it is the only option. We are starting to believe there is nothing better out there, that no one knows how to be bold and exciting anymore.
Pick us up. Dress up. Bring flowers for Pete's sake. Be spontaneous and funny and interesting. Ask us questions you really want to know the answer to, not just the ones you think you are supposed to ask. Break the mold and prove us wrong. Help us keep our standards high and jump to reach them if you have to. We will usually say yes; all you have to do is ask.
