Hints of humanity's obsession with the apocalypse dates as far back as 2800 BC by way of inscriptions on an Assyrian Clay tablet: "Our Earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common" (sound familiar?)." For thousands of years doomsday theorists, religious groups and religious cults have unsuccessfully predicted the end of the world. Somehow, billions of life and death cycles later, we're still kickin' it on mother Earth. Billions of people continue to theorize and debate about how and when the world will end, but we've ditched the clay tablets for other creative platforms. If you've ever entertained ideas about antibiotic resistant bacteria and alien invasions, or find yourself surprisingly enthusiastic whenever a white walker hits the screen, you need to check out the below.
1. Watch "When the Zombies Come," a hilariously brilliant short documentary film shown at Sundance
An ACE hardware employee details his master survival plan in lieu of an impending zombie apocalypse. Bonus: It's quotable and quote-worthy.
2. Check out Wikipedia's plan to preserve history: the Terminal Event Management Policy
According to Wikipedia's Terminal Event Management Policy article, the policy is "designed to facilitate the preservation of the encyclopedia by a transition to non-electronic media in an orderly, time-sensitive manner or, if events dictate otherwise, the preservation of the encyclopedia by other means."
One can imagine a team of flustered Wikipedia employees, frantically printing off pages by the thousands and storing them in boxes during a Warning level 1 event.
Wikipedia also has a strategy for shipping articles electronically, in a "last-ditch attempt to save the knowledge of humanity" to a non-terrestrial environment through the world's radio telescopes.
They claim this policy is a "joke", but one can hope some gallant techy employee might take this plan seriously should doomsday ever come.
3. Web-surf 365 day survival packages
You can even be vegetarian or vegan in the face of the apocalypse! No need to eat your neighbors or pets. Simply plan ahead.
You could be the first to review a "Vegan Food Storage Tofu Kit" that includes 2 BPA free reusable tofu molds with cheese cloths. You wouldn't want to suffer from BPA-derived cancer during the apocalypse would you? Happy molding!
Alternately Amazon sells an "Emergency Survival Food Supply 275 Meal Pack" with Cheesey Rice Casserole, Veggie Alfredo, Hearty Potato Soup, Italian Tomato Pasta, Black Bean Burger, Tortilla Soup, Multi-grain Cereal, Brown Sugar Oatmeal, Non-fat Milk, Orange drink, and a weather proof bucket with a 20 year shelf life. It could be yours in just 10-20 days for $130.
Plenty of customers gave the supply 4/5 stars, including one Hall of Fame top 500 reviewers:
Many others were less enthusiastic:
4. Start playing Fallout 4 this Winter, or today
Chances are, if you've made it this far in the post you've already killed your fair share of super mutant brutes during Fallout 4 sessions, but what kind of a post would this be without making mention of the most popular post-apocalyptic video game?
Because the world is degenerate in these latter days, let us re-evaluate our decision to ignore Wikipedia's pleas for donations and consider stocking up on chickpeas, which you should be doing regardless because they are delicious. The Assyrians would be proud of you.
