Recently, I have found myself in a hole that seems 1,000 feet deep. I have been feeling helpless, hopeless, and numb. At some point, I let myself go down a dangerous path of mental self destruction and I didn't know how to stop. My problem was that I had spent so long depending on people for my happiness and refusing help. Once I found myself at my lowest, I realized that this was just what I needed. There are a view lessons that I learned the hard way once I reached rock bottom.
1. Don't be afraid to ask for help
One of the scariest decisions that I made was to go to a professional to get hep. It was a huge step in what will be a very long, very tiring process. I realized that there's nothing wrong with going to someone to get help. It doesn't even have to be a professional, ask your friend, your parent, or even someone you look up to. Asking for help doesn't mean that you are weak or that you're incapable of helping yourself. It's hard to help yourself when you don't know the right tools for the job. Asking for help can be the first step in realizing which tools will help you grow.
2. Embrace your emotions
I spent a lot of time hating myself for feeling certain emotions. I would get angry for silly reasons and shut that anger off when I knew it would cause trouble. I never allowed myself to fully dive into how I was feeling. Instead I made myself numb, because feeling nothing was better than feeling everything. I know I'm not the first to say this, but it isn't healthy to bottle emotions up. Everything eventually comes to light, but it is your decision on how you act on those emotions.
3. Surround yourself with the right people
This is one of the most important lessons that I figured out. It's imperative that you surround yourself with people who will support you, stand by you, and motivate you to keep going when you slip up. Find friends who wouldn't mind just sitting and talking with you when you feel yourself getting sad, or friends who will gladly stay in with you on a Friday night and binge watch because you don't want to be around people. Learn to listen to their advice and their motivation when all you want to do is block it out.
4. Happiness starts with you
For as long as I can remember, I hated being by myself. No one likes being alone, but I feared being alone in the simplest of situations. I was unhappy when I was by myself and I became needy and lost my independence. I drove away people who cared about me along with the love of my life because I depended too heavily on them to make me happy and blew up when they couldn't take the weight of it anymore. You cannot expect others to make you happy. It's a tough pill to swallow, but loving your own company is the start to being independent. It's okay to need someone and want to be around people, but if you aren't happy being alone then you will never be truly happy, even when standing in a crowded room.
If I could tell myself these lessons when I was in high school, I probably wouldn't be in the state that I'm in. However, we can't go back, we can only move forward and keep working to better ourselves and find true happiness.
