I have been in college for a year and a half now, and I just finished the last semester of my sophomore year. I’ve completed 60 of the 120 credits I need to graduate college and enter society as a functioning adult. Truth is, though, I don’t feel ready. Yes, two years is a long time, but I feel like I just graduated high school two weeks ago. It’s insane to me that another graduation is just around the corner, and I’ve come to realize a lot of things about myself while I’ve been thinking about the fact that my college career is already halfway over.
1. I have no idea what I am doing.
Sure, I’m making it and paying my own bills, but I have no idea if I’m doing it right. How am I supposed to walk across a stage in two years and accept my degree if I don’t even know which bills are due when half of the time? I mean, two years is a really long time, but thinking about it now is really intimidating.
2. What if I can’t get a job?
Truth is, this thought terrifies me. I’ve spent years in school and thousands of dollars have gone to support my education and what happens if all of that goes to waste and I can’t even find a job that will support my lifestyle?
3. What if I have to relocate?
I know this is a possibility, I do. I just know that financially I would not be able to relocate right now. Moving across the state is one thing, but having to move to a different state or even to the other side of the country is slightly intimidating. Everything I’ve ever known is here, and I don’t really know how to handle anything else. The adventure that relocating presents would be thrilling, though, and I know I would be ready for it, it’s just difficult to think about leaving all of my family and friends behind.
4. What if I get a job and I absolutely fail at it?
I’m not going to lie, a part of me is really afraid that while people may say my writing is good now, I’m going to get into the real world of adult jobs and everyone is going to absolutely hate everything I write. I know that the writing field is a competitive one and it sometimes scares me that I won’t be able to hold my own against everyone else who wants to be a journalist.
The truth is, even though I am halfway to graduation, I’m not ready to graduate. Maybe in two years I will feel differently, but for now, stressing about whether or not I’ll land a “big-girl job” isn’t my first concern. One day I will be ready to go out in the real world and all of these concerns will seem trivial, but for now I am happy knowing that I’m making it. For now, that’s all that really matters. The rest will come when I’m ready for it. Even though I am halfway done with my degree, I still have halfway to go, and I know that it will fly by, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.
